Another Huckster From Hope, and A Choice of Cancer Or Polio

The chattering classes are beginning to notice Mike Huckabee, the slim fast former Arkansas Gov, and Repub POTUS wanna-hucka-bee. I thought the guy had a shot months ago when I saw him with Bill Maher. He looks like Kevin Spacey, has a sense of humor, and he hides his extreme positions well. I can't help but like the HuckMan, and the fact that he isn't afraid of Grover Norquist (why would anyone name a child Grover Norquist???) endears Huckmiester to me. But...... here's the rub:

Huckabee opposes abortions, same-sex marriages, and civil unions.
Huckabee is against gun control and is an avid hunter.
Huckabee supports the death penalty.
Huckabee has voiced his support of creationism.

The guy is a Southern Baptist minister, and once worked for TeeVee evangelist James Robinson. The world is in too serious a mess, and our country is at too critical a crossroads to turn it over to another yahboob who thinks the earth is 6,000 years old, and that every word of the bible is to be taken as literal truth. Anyone who has an ounce of objectivity and an IQ above room temp can see that those positions require not just faith, but a lobotomy.

In defense of the Hucker-roo, he seems 100% more decent than the rest of the sorry sons of bitches looking for the nod from the Republicans. I hope we don't forget that his is the party of Rove, Cheneny, Gonzo, and that jack off artist Larry Craig.

On the Dems side, my dream ticket has been Gore/Edwards (Elizabeth, not John). Since that does not seem likely, and I'm not an Obama fan; I'll support JohnEdwards over Hillary for a couple of reasons:

1. Hillary could lose to the R's because she is:

A. Hillary.

B. Hillary.

2. If I need an operation, I don't want my proctologists wife playing around with the periscope up my ass, I want the GUY WITH THE ACTUAL EXPERIENCE. (No, not Sen. Craig)

One nightmare scenario is this: The general election comes down to Hillary vs. Huckary. 300+ million people in America and we end up with a choice between the woman who rode shotgun all those years in Bills pickup, and a guy in a van with a "Ask Me How I Lost Weight" bumper sticker. Fucking perfect.

R.I.P. Jerry Halloran

Just back from the Military Funeral for my friend Mike Hallorans dad Jerry. A beautiful ceremony at Arlington, and it was my honor to attend. Mike was saying that the WWII guys are dying at such a rate that Arlington is doing 30 funerals a day! I can believe that. It was good to see Mike, Brian, Kathy and his crew. Mike and his brother Brian drove cross country from CA with the ashes of his mom and dad videotaping as they went. I smell Oscar here, and I don't mean hot dog! Mike and I had a nice chat, catching up a bit. I remembered how much I used to enjoy his company, and I hope we stay in touch. I think he has some good ideas for my radio project, and the last time Happy Halloran and I did a radio thing together it worked pretty fucking well. Just ask the guys at 89X. Anyhow, Jerry Halloran was a fine man, and always kind to me. I'm glad I got to offer one last salute.

Million Dollar Dingbat

AIKEN, S.C. (AP) — A bank teller in Clearwater had a million reasons not to open an account for an Augusta, Ga., man Monday, authorities said. Alexander D. Smith, 31, was charged with disorderly conduct and two counts of forgery after he walked into the bank and tried to open an account by depositing a fake $1 million bill, said Aiken County Sheriff's spokesman Lt. Michael Frank.
The employee refused to open the account and called police while the man started to curse at bank workers, Frank said.
The second forgery charge came after investigators learned Smith bought several cartons of cigarettes from a nearby grocery store with a stolen check, Frank said.
The federal government has never printed a million-dollar bill, Frank said.

I'm guessing Alan Greenspan here had no luck getting change for a zillion when he was buying a carton of Kools.

Dog Day Afternoon

I spent most of the day yesterday at the Washington Animal Rescue League, touring their amazing facility. They have reinvented the notion of what an animal shelter should be, and what it should offer. We were given our tour by the Executive Director Scotlund Haisley, a most amazing man. This guy travelled the world looking for better ideas to house and help our furry friends, and discovered cages with bars drove the dogs insane. He studied human prisons, talked with experts, added waterfalls and smooth jazz, and in general has built a model program and facility. Here is what his fluff bio piece says on the WARL website:

Recently Scotlund has been responsible for the success of many WARL projects, most recently conceptualizing and overseeing the League’s renovation project, which will create a comfortable “cageless” shelter, enabling animals to transition more smoothly into loving homes. In addition to launching one of the world’s most progressive and ambitious shelter renovations, Scotlund has also improved the quality of lives of WARL animals through simple measures. He has paired compatible dogs in adjoining cages, encouraged sociable cats to wander the cat room, exercised animals more frequently, and employed a dog trainer and animal massage therapist. All of these changes make our shelter animals happier and more socialized which, in turn, results in more successful adoptions. In addition, Scotlund implemented a more stringent adoption process, including a visit to the prospective guardian’s home. This visit educates the adopter on the animal’s specific needs.

This is some cool stuff, it's a cool way to run a volunteer program, and it's a pleasure to meet people who are passionate about their mission. I was inspired, and almost brought home a beagle! Here is their link, do check them out:

http://www.warl.org/index.php

What Would Angela Cartwright Say About This?

IN AUGUST, radio astronomers announced that they had found an enormous hole in the universe. Nearly a billion light years across, the void lies in the constellation Eridanus and has far fewer stars, gas and galaxies than usual. It is bigger than anyone imagined possible and is beyond the present understanding of cosmology. What could cause such a gaping hole? One team of physicists has a breathtaking explanation: "It is the unmistakable imprint of another universe beyond the edge of our own," says Laura Mersini-Houghton of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.
It is a staggering claim. If Mersini-Houghton's team is right, the giant void is the first experimental evidence for another universe. It would also vindicate string theory, our most promising understanding of how the universe works at its most fundamental level.

Ars Longa

I had the pleasure last Friday of going with my friend Chris and her son to the Art Institute in Detroit. Chris had never been to an art museum before, and her 19 year old had done a drive by once. The boy needed help with a homework assignment for college, so I happily played docent. The folks at the DIA just finished a six year remodel of the space, and were holding a big grand re-opening who de do. I think both Chris and Josh enjoyed the art, the DIA has some wonderful pieces. Chris shared my interest in Art Nouveau, and Josh seemed to be taken in by the Rivera murals. I recommend the joint if you're in town. Anyhow, here is an old poem inspired by Cezanne.

The Widow, Like The Bankers Son

The widow, like the bankers son

sits at the mirror dreaming

Dreaming of years, which sharpen their claws

and hiss

like a 3am phone call.

We float on a canvas for a moment

then one to the sea of salty tears

and one to the rain.

Rain rises from the sea, and a summer night rises

and wraps around her

like fingers on a red dress.

The widow like the bankers son

rose from the mirror

thinking for an instant

that she sees in the glass

the telltale stroke of the artist.

Snots on a Plane.....

Flight back to DCA yesterday was as full as my Uncle Ed's belly Thanksgiving afternoon. I had a nice window seat like I always get, and the guy next to me didn't smell like gin or mothballs, so I thought I'm home free. No such luck-ski. The row right in front of mine had a guy, his wife and two little brats. The wife had the kid on the aisle side, daddy was in charge of the the little tax deduction RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. Of course this cumshot gone wrong screamed the entire flight. Did daddy-oh-lame-oh say shit to his little snot nosed darling? Nope. Zilch. Not so much much as a gentle: "Johny if you don't shut the fuck up Daddy's gonna chop your balls off before we get to Akron..." I was ready to ask the crew for some duct tape..or a hammer. I understand kids are..er well um kids, but I've found they respond well to training. Or violence. Some men just don't seem to understand that the "parenthood" thing is ongoing. Just because you managed to splash some jizz up the wifes who-ha don't make you Father of the year dickweed.

The Gathering Storm & Mrs Hitlers Undies

My friend Ernie has moved to a small town as a semi retirement kind of deal. He has set up shop in Elmore Ohio, hard by the turnpike, not too far east of Toledo. I don't think Elmore has ever quite seen the likes of Ernie before. He found an old historic building in bad shape, bought it, and spent a few years fixing it up to the point of real beauty. That's not the problem. The fact that Ernie has opened an antique store on the first floor isn't really the problem. No the issue for my friend seems to be the gap between his understanding of art, and the understanding ( or lack thereof ) of the same by the locals. Ernie is a very educated man, with a keen sense of post modern irony. The locals are descendants of German immigrants who wouldn't know post modern if you shoved it up their butts on the end of 14 foot pole. A bit of a disconnect there. I think the good volk of Elmore might well understand Herr Goring's famous " When I hear about art, I reach for my revolver.." remark. That in fact is precisely how I feel about Thomas Kinkaide.... but that's another story. Ernie has filled his store with rare and odd pieces. A WWII U-Boat sailors rubber suit. A first edition Dickens from 1857. Betty Page stuff from the 50's. Two tone shoes (yeah baby! ). Pistols, lighters, swords, currency collections; and the topper..or perhaps bottomer: a pair of panties worn by the late unlamented Eva Braun. Yep, satin that touched Adolf's favorite bunker. This garment was up close and personal with genuine Nazi nasty bits. Imagine the hours of fun a cross dressing fascist could have prancing about and singing the Horst Weasel Song. All for a mere $7,500. For some reason the locals don't see the humor here, and I fear pitchforks may soon be involved. I suggested that Ernie may wish to consider:

A. Selling this shit on the Internet.

B. Sneaking out of town at midnight.

I think the sculpture he has displayed called " Vag-O-Matic" (something to do with a steel twat) isn't helping win hearts and minds either. None the less, I have a plan to eventually help my friend become the mayor of Elmore. Armbands, marching, and loudspeakers will be involved. I'll have more on that in the future, until then here is the campaign slogan:

Men and Women of Elmore: Awake!

It has a certain familiar ring doesn't it libchen.

Night and Day in Murder City

Just back from a week in Dee Troit. The Motor City. The Murder Capital. My Hometown.

A shithole if ever there was one, and I hate to say it. I had a great time with relatives and friends, took Aunt S out for her 82nd B-Day, went to Elmore Ohio and saw Eva Brauns Knickers, saw the Red Wings at the "Joe", ate turkey with family, watched the Lions suck on TV, and went to a comedy club last night. Detroit is still gray, and dinghy, and tired and poor. The folks back home look defeated, they blame Bush and Granholm in seemingly equal measure for the economic sink hole that is Michigan. I've always found Detroiters to be defensive about our city, but the excuses are running out I think. The brutal fact is that the auto industry fucked that town, Coleman Young and 'white flight' fucked that town, and George Bush and his fuck you economy may have put the death blow to any attempts at real revival. The place looks forlorn, and devoid of color. Driving back today from National Airport in DC I noticed the bright reds and golds of the trees along the parkway as the sun shone, and the radio played. I felt like I could breath better, I felt guilty for being happy to be out of MoTown, I felt glad to be home.

Return of Uncle Jedi

On the way back to DCA today. Spent lots of time in the company of online Luddites. Eva's panties exist and proof will follow. Much more soon.

Last Night I Went To Sleep In Detroit City

As the song goes... here in MoTown. It's cold and gray but good to see folks. I sat next to a woman on the plane who smelled like moth balls. Ugh. Took a trip yesterday to a X Mas tree farm, the cold air and smell of fresh spruce were a good antidote to the moth ball lady.

Lots to write about later.

Shabbat Poem

When evening falls, I'll sit with you

When the glass breaks in the street

I'll stand with you

Through the long night I'll prove with you

Love burns brightest of all.

Motor City Shake Down, And Eva's Unmentionables

Flying up to DTW tomorrow. I hope to find a way to blog from Mo Town, but without a laptop I'm unclear what I will be able do. Full reports will come however on the planned visit to Elmore Ohio and the first annual viewing of Eva Brauns knickers. I'll take the camera. Also I will listen to some Detroit radio/TV...and we shall see. If I am unable to blog before Thursday: Happy Thanksgiving, Go Wings, Go Lions, and spare a thought for the boys and girls on duty.

Be safe and I'll see you at the big one.

Call Me Al

I think I can relate some these days to Al Gore when he calls himself a "recovering politician". I am a recovering DJ. I can't close the door on doing it ever again, but I'll be damned if I can see where or how. Oddly, I suspect I'd be better now than before for two main reasons; one of which I share with Al. It seems that neither the Gorester nor myself actually give a real big fuck anymore about pleasing the dweebs who run our former business. Caring about your customer more than your career usually results in a better product. It certainly resulted in a better Al Gore. The other thing that has made me better on the air has been doing 5 years of C-SPAN. It's kind of like having an egodectomy. No names, no ego, no jive, no bullshit, no cliches, just one on one, LIVE, to the point, right the first time, the audience is boss, air work. It's like the Brian Lamb School of Broadcasting . I am grateful to Brian for his leadership and example, and it has made me a much better broadcaster. So, do I stick with the Gore plan, or do I decide to run again someday. Hmmmm ... I hate what the biz has become, but I sure do love being on the air. Somehow I think Al knows what I mean.

Most Beautiful Spot In England

So the artist claimed. I shot this in the Lake District not too far from the home of Casey's folks.

The 1st Day of Spring (1983)

We got six inches last night
six!
I sat up most of the night watching
snow.
And I stood outside this afternoon
And filled my lungs with that cold air
I thought of winters past
Those same winter clouds from Ontario I think.
And I remembered another night I stayed up watching
stars.
that was ten years ago now Jan
Ten!
It was summer then, and we said goodbye
I told you I knew your secret
Jans a lover I said .
And now its the first day of spring
And winter whispers a secret
She's a lover, she hates to say goodbye.

Paging Dr. Moe Rhan ..Paging Dr Moe Rahn....

A good laugh on a rainy day in DC.

These are actual writings from various hospital charts:

1. The patient refused an autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated, and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15 Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17.. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvis exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

The InField Of The Lord

Two things to bear in mind when you read anything I write about God.

1. I can't figure out my cell phone.
2. I have never fully understood the infield fly rule.

Therefore: I may not be the ultimate expert on the ultimate question. On the other hand, at least I know that, which is more than I can say for most people that blather on TV about religion. A good priest I knew once taught me that God is so far beyond our comprehension, that the moment we try and say something definitive; we are by definition full of shit. That was language I could understand!

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
—Isaiah 55:8-9

The Domino Effect

From WTOP Radio:

WASHINGTON - Commuters who use Virginia Railway Express' Fredericksburg line were delayed Wednesday morning after VRE briefly halted service.
Trains are moving, although VRE says commuters should expect delays.
According to Randy Earl, spokesman for Prince William County Fire, here's what happened: About 5:50 a.m. a deer startled a homeless man who was walking along the tracks in the Woodbridge area. As the deer came out of the underbrush, an Amtrak train was passing by. Out of reflex, Earl says the man moved toward the train and injured his hand and arm. His injuries were not life-threatening.
The incident shut down VRE train service for part of the 6 a.m. hour, causing a ripple effect that made commuters late.

Did He Really Want To Hurt Him?

The Daily Mail Reports:

Boy George has been charged with false imprisonment after allegedly chaining a male escort to a wall at his London flat. Police said today that the 47-year-old singer and DJ has been ordered to appear before Thames magistrates next week. He reported to a police station yesterday and was released on bail. Auden Karlsen, 28, claims he was a prisoner at the Culture Club star's home in Shoreditch. He said he met George on the website Gaydar but only went to the flat as a photographic model. He said George and another man held him at the property after taking pictures.

The star allegedly produced whips and sex toys and threatened him. Mr Karlsen said he only escaped after wrenching a hook out the wall. George, charged under his real name of O'Dowd, denied the allegations when they came to light in April. He could be jailed for life if he is convicted. Last year George was given community service in New York after pleading guilty to falsely reporting a burglary at his Manhattan flat.

Threatened him with what??

Used Cars For Jesus Chapter 2: Giving Good Phone, and Helter Skelter Theology

I often tell folks these days NOT to advertise on radio. That's not because I don't think radio can work, instead it's because I seldom see it used well. The used cars for Jesus crowd understood one thing very very well: radio is ONE on ONE. Me and You. And the conversation needs to always be about YOU. They had a used car dealer on the phone live every day (it seemed like every hour) describing the perfect low mile car for your college kid that just showed up on the lot, and he was waiting for YOU to come by before 5pm TODAY, and ask for BOB, and he will hook you up and solve your problem of what to do about wheels for Junior, and its a win win for everybody. A simple LIVE phoner, a direct pitch.. YOU have a need, I'm a REAL person..I can solve your problem RIGHT NOW. That was good radio... and they sold a lot of freaking cars.

I said in a previous post that the true believers were fucking nuts: Try this experiment if you dare: Ask any yahoo TB you can find what you need to do to "get to heaven". They will recite a formula about accepting JC as your "personal savior" etc. Ask the TB what happens to thems of us who don't or won't say the magic words. They will tell you that we have a one way ticket to Hades. Then ask them about the six million in the Shoah. What happened to those souls? They didn't recite the magic words did they? So the children who died at Buchenwald went up the chimney and down the pipes to hell? Ask them how they can seriously believe in a God so monstrous. Charlie Manson famously said that Hitler was "just leveling the karma of the Jews"... and since he is completely and certifiably fucking nuts, ipso facto, presto change-oh, well you get the picture.

There's Magic in the Night.....

Saw Bruce et. al. last night in DC. Still the hardest working man in show biz. The show was full of great moments, if not the non stop momentum of years past. Thunder Road was fucking transcendent! Pet peeve: how lame do you need to be to keep looking at your CrackBerry while BRUCE BLOODY SPRINGSTEEN is on stage in front of you???? Is this just a DC thing? Or is everybody but me so important that Condi Rice just has to email them RIGHT NOW? Have you seen this elsewhere?

Veterans Day, and A Thin Gold Band.

Today I don’t think it would be right to rant or rave about the war, so I just want to mention two men. One was a young guy I knew just to say hello to at the Firehouse. His name was TJ, and he died last year in Baghdad. It was my honor to be one of the people who stood a vigil for TJ, the night before his funeral. I won’t forget that.
The other man I’m thinking of is my father. He served in WWII in Europe. My dad was a product of his generation, a child of the depression, only son among seven sisters, raised by a hard drinking and quick to anger father. Somehow, despite the fact that he was an alcoholic, my dad maintained a core of decency. He, and his generation; understood duty like me and mine never will. Those men got up every day and did what needed to be done. My dad came a long way from his roots, he was the first in his family to shake off the old racist notions of the neighborhood, he was willing to go toe to toe with his father on the subject… and I was always proud of him when he did. My dad was a difficult man in many ways, and I have more of his bad habits than good ones, but not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. I wear a thin gold wedding band on my right hand that I found in my fathers papers after he died. The ring belonged to my grandpa who wore it for over 50 years. I wear it to remind me where I come from, to remind me that change is possible, and to remind me that despite ones flaws; faith is not out of reach.

Ain't No Cure Refrain

Ran calls today with our buddy Jeff who was up from North Carolina. One call was to check up a couple of kids after a minor fender bender. Girl about 5 boy about 2 with dad. Jeff and I are both certified car seat techs, so we noticed the kids car seats were all wrong. Not suprising, there is something like an 85% misuse rate of child car seats. Anyhow, we set about fixing, and SHOWING daddy dearest how to properly secure his kids... and the dude is on his cell phone. I thought Jeff's head was going to explode..but he kept his cool, and I just told the guy to get over to one of our clinics so he could learn the proper use of the seats in a better enviroment than the side of a busy road. The dad replied to me that he would have the kids mother do it. I gritted my teeth and said " They're YOUR KIDS sir..you do it!" Then my head exploded.

American Gangster,Stormin' Norman & The Thunder of The Gods

Saw DenzelWashington in American Gangster tonight, good movie, better soundtrack. Something I noticed one late night at C-SPAN: Close your eyes and Denzel sounds EXACTLY like Senator Norm Coleman of MN. Norm is a shitheel Repbublcian bootlicker who snuck by into Paul Wellstones seat. I think Al Franken will kick his ass next year. Anyhow..Norm must be from upstate NY ..cause he and Denzel are audio clones. When I got home I put on VH-1 with a Led Zep fest of some sort. God Plant and Page were something. Robert was skinny and pretty then, and I wonder if it's harder getting old when you were that pretty to start with. I was that skinny once, but pretty was not my problem. I saw Plant sometime ago being interviewed by Charlie Rose, and I was impressed withhow truly smart the guy is. Come to think of it, Jagger is smart as hell, Clapton is no slouch,and most of the big stars that last seem to all be well above average IQ. Speaking of which: gonna see BRueeeeeeeee Monday night here in DC. I can see the Brian Wilson homage in the Magic CD..but all in all its just a great fucking Bruce record. Can't wait till Monday.

Pulitzer-winning author Norman Mailer dies at 84

This is what caught my eye from the obit:

He had nine children, made a quixotic bid to become mayor of New York, produced five forgettable films, dabbled in journalism, flew gliders, challenged professional boxers, was banned from a Manhattan YWHA for reciting obscene poetry, feuded publicly with writer Gore Vidal and crusaded against women's lib.


That my friends is an obit you don't see every day.

From The WaPo: Think Pink

Thai King Launches a Trend By Appearing in Pink Clothes
Associated Press
Saturday, November 10, 2007; A13

BANGKOK, Nov. 9 -- Thailand is turning pink.

Some people in the Southeast Asian country have been wearing pink shirts this week as a tribute to their beloved monarch, King Bhumibol Adulyadej. The trend started when he checked out of a hospital Wednesday wearing a pale pink collarless shirt and pink blazer.

Bhumibol, 79, had been in the hospital for more than three weeks to treat a colon infection and weakness on the right side of his body.

In the past couple of years, Thais have shown their respect for the king by wearing yellow -- the color that in Buddhist tradition symbolizes Monday, the day of the week he was born. That trend began in 2006 during celebrations of Bhumibol's 60th anniversary on the throne.

But it looks like pink could be the new yellow.

A move toward pink was already underway because astrologers had declared it an auspicious color for the king's 80th year. Pink was included in a royal emblem designed for his birthday.

But Bhumibol's appearance in pink attire has spurred new interest in the color.

The Commerce Ministry is preparing to produce 30,000 pink shirts in the coming weeks to meet rising demand, said Yanyong Phuangrat, chief of the agency's domestic trade department.

Well hell yes! As much as I like pink, the color I dream of seeing our dear King George wearing is orange. As in a nice jumpsuit with the word CONVICT on the back.

Not Enough Places to Buy Ballyhoo Around Here

Just down the road from our place in Myrtle Beach

Ranch Dressing

I caught George and Angela at "W"s so called "ranch" in Buttfuck Texas today. I'm sure any European leader is thrilled to spend a few days with the Beltway Hillbillys down in Crawford. What I find amazing still is the gulibilty of the American people regarding this Potemkin Village of a Presidency. Boots Mc Bushie has a "ranch" that he bought the year before he ran for the White House containing NO HORSES, no cattle, nor any livestock of any sort. At least that prick Reagan wasn't afraid of horses.

Bottom Line: Just because I like Ranch Dressing with my Chicken Tenders doesn't mean you need to call me Hoss.

Fred Thompson Watch Your Back....

HAGERSTOWN, Md. (AP) — The man who shot and paralyzed Alabama Gov. George Wallace during a 1972 presidential campaign stop in Maryland was released from prison Friday after serving 35 years of his sentence.
Arthur H. Bremer, 57, left the prison before sunrise, said Mark A. Vernarelli, a state prison system spokesman.
Prison officials declined to comment on Bremer's destination or plans.

Some People Still Don't Get It & The $700,000 Glitch Machine

An example of "old school" media mindsets: I met a very nice man today who works for the county's TV channel. He showed me around his studio and related spaces, all of which were very 1978 in vibe. The tech gear was top rate, but the "set" was very local access. The building we are in has 14 stories, and some great outside views. I asked the guy why doesn't he put his
"set" in an office with a window and a cool view. He didn't see the point, and he felt he could always green screen an outdoor background into his shot. I said something about how TV ish that was..and he just kind of looked blankly at me.
Here is the media paradigm that I think works for the future: let reality happen, don't try and fake it. The act of photographing something of course creates an illusion of reality..photos, videos, movies, computer screens... all two dimensions in a three and more dimensional world. But..... we don't have to add layers of extra crispy fake simulated pretend imitation bullshit just because we have a gizmo that can do it.
When I was in school my artsy video pals and I used to joke that the big networks had a seven hundred thousand dollar glitch machine to add static and glitches in case they wanted to pretend a show was made by students using crappy equipment somewhere. Writing in a voice not ones own, or speaking , or crafting to be "on the air" is bullshit. Just get the medium out of the way of the content, and maybe we can connect. The really good producers, writers, broadcasters have always gotten this instinctively.
( I promise NEVER to use the phrase "media paradigm" in a post again )

Anti-Dentite

Got back this morning from a trip to the periodontist. St James first Law of Dentistry clearly states: Never trust a dentist wearing lots of bling. This guy I saw came close, a bit too much flash for my comfort zone. Anyhow here is what I understood from two hours in the chair today: My bridgework is about as stable as an overpass in Minnesota. This was caused by:

A. All those years with a Winston in my face.
Or
B. The guy who did the caps had some sort of palsy.

The Dr. talked kind of fast, but what I think he said I need to do now is, maybe get a bone graft with porcine, bovine, or cadaver bone, maybe have some steel girders driven into my skull… wait did I just say Porcine??? Cadaver?? Bovine??? In others words my choice is an implant of a pork chop, (not so popular with the folks at Beth Shalom Temple), a cow bone, or the jaw of a dead guy. Holy Jumping Fucking Jesus!! I think I might opt for the cow bone…. But could that give me an uncontrollable urge to graze? Do they list the side effects? And if I go with the dead guy, how do I know it's not the ass bone of some jag off from South Philly?

As my mind was reeling over all this weird science info, the good Herr Doktor was sticking his sharp pointy steel stick into the now bleeding soft tissue of my mouth over and over. Doktor: " well you got some tenderness there…"
NO SHIT DUMBFUCK… and it ain’t getting any less tender with you using my gums for a pincushion.

Somehow it seems the treatment plan boils down to this:
Possible surgery, bone grafts, plates, brain transplants, penile implants, nose jobs, and/or tummy tucks.
OR:
The mouthwash he gave me may do the trick. How in the name of fuck can that be. I either need a set of Baby Back Ribs grafted to my mouth or some super Listerine is just the ticket. Fuck me running.

Traitors Gate

sic semper tyrannis

Rope. I feel we may need some rope before this is all said and done. In any reasonable version of reality, “leaders” who take a nation to war under false pretenses, bankrupt its treasury, allow its citizens to be killed by enemies, let a city drown, ruin the economy, destroy the nations standing in the world, reveal the names of our spies to the public, spy on citizens, and ignore the rule of law and the constitution would not just be impeached from office. They would be tried for treason. Yet here we are: action on the Dennis K impeachment resolution. Nope. Any talk in the media about preparation for a trial? Nada. Any run on rope at Home Depot???? Zippo.

Non Violent M.O.

The girl was 15

Almost Tasha’s age

She wanted to die she said

She wouldn’t say why

She said she planned to use a knife

So we took her for ‘mental observation’

She’ll see a shrink, he’ll give her pills

She was pretty, and shy

She let me see the cuts on her arms, and legs

Shes a cutter

The shrinks say that pills take away your pain

These girls say that the knife does

Im not sure who is right.

Mayfair Bikes

I just like this shot I took in London a couple years ago.

Pat Hearts Rudy

So, Crazy Uncle Pat Robertson has endorsed Rudy G. Fantastic! Maybe in a Rudy G administration we can have Bernie Kerrik as AG, and Pat R. as the head of FEMA. Next time a hurricane comes up the gulf, Pat can just pray it away. And he can always get you a great deal on blood diamonds.... There is a special ring in hell for that bastard.

Love That Center Ice Package

Gonna go see the wings play at the Joe when I'm in town for T-Day. Can't wait. Here is my trusty wing watching assistant. He likes the idea of 'putting the biscut in the basket'. He gets a treat every time the wings score. Somebody asked once why I did not just root for the Caps after we moved to DC. I explained that I could only root for a professional hockey team, plus when your dad takes you to see the old production line at The Olympia... well that means the winged wheel is in your DNA. (Wings over Nashville tonight in a shootout..that's 8 wins in a row!)

Radio Nowhere Continued

Another example of Radio being part of its customers life: I always loved the Rock&Roll Overtone we used at 'Rif. It was a simple sounder of a ships low bass whistle, which reminded everyone of the old BobLo Boats out on the Detroit river when we were kids. Arthur P. would blast that horn, and rumble up a " it's 83 rock and roll over degrees Baby!" I don't think Art liked it, but the rest of us used that sounder too because it was so much fun to hit the donut and pretend to be pulling the horn. It worked because it used the medium (sound) and put it smack dab in the heart of the listeners inner emotional life: summer, a beach, hot sun, a boat ride to an amusement park when you were a kid, your hometown, rock and roll, and some Detroit Radio Snarl....all in one simple 5 second temp check. How many stations even think about doing something with time and temp checks? Rock on Arthur....

Merle Haggard, A Spider From Mars, The Redhead From Georgetown, and Cool Shoes or Voting With Your Feet

Listening to Merle Haggards "Okie from Muskogee" with the great line leather boots are still in style for manly footwear.. I thought of a couple of backseat rides I've had with semi famous people where the subject of cool shoes came up. First, in the interest of full disclosure, I have always had a thing for cool/cruel shoes..ever since my first pair of points. My mom said they would ruin my feet, but I didn't care... I just wanted shoes as pointy as George Harrison's. (It turns out she was right, but that's another story) Anyway, I shared a cab this past spring after the White House Corespondents Dinner with Maureen Dowd from the NYT. She complimented my two tone white and black patent tux shoes, and for some reason that reminded me of a ride many years ago with Ian Hunter and Mick Ronson in Detroit. We were going to an instore someplace, Hunter was being surly, and so I noticed Micks cool red tennis shoes. When I asked him where he got them, his face lit up... as if he'd been waiting for someone to inquire..... and he turned me on to Trash& Vaudeville in the Village. (St. Marks Place). I got some pretty awesome shoes there over the years..my faves being a pair or purple and white zig zag cloth points. I'll never forget getting a thumbs up and a Goddamn young man those are cool shoes from an older black gate porter at O'Hare one day. Ever since then I've told people that I'm black from the ankles down. Mick Ronson died some years ago, Ian Hunter is 68 years old, I haven't been to the village for a dogs age; and for some reason my feet want to vote for Obama. Hmmmmm

Don't Get Any Ideas George

I'm not sure I have my head around the notion of blue suited lawyers fighting cops with tear gas in the streets of Pakistan. I flashed back to Chicago in '68, but instead of Abbie Hoffman, there was Ballsac Teabag doing brave battle with the forces of repression. I also note today how those living embodiments of Profiles In Courage: (otherwise known as the Democratic leadership of the House of Representatives) gave Dennis Kucinich NO FUCKING SUPPORT on his impeach Cheney motion.

What do these two things have in common you ask grasshopper? Pour yourself a tall glass of Lunch-O-Lean and I will tell you.

A. The Dems strategy is clear: they are SO DAMN SURE that the math all goes thier way for big gains in the Senate and a cake walk to the White House next November that they will do NOTHING to give the R's any cause for a counter attack. It's "don't rock the boat" to victory in '08. While I agree with Napoleons maxim that " when your enemy is destroying himself, do not interfere...” I think the D's are making a critical mistake, and in the process our danger is great.

Here is how that may come to pass my little snowflakes:

B. Bushie uses the Secret Squirrel Cheney/Musharraf /Seven Days In May Game Plan. Something kind of big goes boom boom in say, Charleston SC. Bad juju all around...and while me and my buddies are hauling ass down I-95 in an EMS task force.... George AKA Michael Corleone, settles all scores on one day. Bye Bye Tehran. A state of emergency then exists in this county, marshal law is declared, elections are POSTPONED.. And for some reason the only news you can get on TV is FOX.

Oh I hear you lotus blossom.... you say: " Excuse me oh wise one, but are you out of your entire fucking mind??"

I shall answer simply: " Don't ask me. Call my lawyer: Ballsac Teabag in Karachi...."

Intersection Tip #2

When you first notice the lights. siren, air horn, or me giving you the finger... please PUT DOWN THE DAMN CELL PHONE. Henry Kissinger will just have to call you back. Also, your first move should NOT BE to slam on the brakes.

Another Oldie

2000 Marengo Street

Not so far from the Veux Carre
We spent a night or two
At 2000 Marengo Street
Welcome to Naw'lins Dal'lin
she said
Blues on the radio
And oh, that Lousianna moon
her eyes glistened in the damp light
her hair thick and wet across my face
We moved on cool sheets
sweat like cajun diamonds in our eyes
At 2000 Marengo Street
This saint marched in
then flew off to see the Pope
( imagine)
But I shall never forget that Naw'lins grace
at 2000 Marengo Street, Dal'lin

Selling Used Cars For Jesus Chapter 1

From CBS News:

Senate Panel Probes 6 Top Televangelists
Sen. Charles Grassley Asks Ministries To Turn Over Financial Records Within One Month

Yes Senator, shocking as it may be to you..there is gambling in Casablanca, wrestling is fake, and these people represent the almighty in the same way I am the official spokesman for the New York Yankees. I recall once when I was working writing spots for the wacky "Christian" station in Motown, (I really needed the money..) I was asked to produce a spot for some scumbag car insurance salesman that said: " God wants you to have car insurance..". I told them I would only do it if they could show me where in the book it says that. The Gospel of St. Geico? The people at that station fell into two classes: True Believers, who were fewer in numbers and completely fucking nuts; and the ones I called the wink wink / nudge nudge folks. They would NEVER do anything unethical (wink) they truly believed it all (wink), no they were not there just for the money (nudge); and of course they weren't taking advantage of the poor dummies out there in Coo Coo Land. (nudge nudge, wink wink). I think they had something like 27 used car dealers on the air all of whom promised a true "Christian" deal..whatever that was supposed to mean. HBWJRYO ..How bad would Jesus rip you off? What a bunch of loonies. I lasted about three months, but I may have enough stories to fill a book. We'll see.

Matthew 7:21"Not everyone who says to Me, "Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven.

Who's Afraid of Naomi Wolf

I listened to Naomi Wolf yesterday on the Thom Hartman radio show talking about her new book. Young Naomi seems to feel "W" is working his way down the classic list of Facist steps to a total lack of democracy here in the USA. Message to Naomi: Duh... Ya Think?? When did you first notice these tendencies Mrs Mussolini?
Here is the list:

Invoke a terrifying internal and external enemy.
Create secret prisons where torture takes place.
Develop a thug caste or paramilitary force not answerable to citizens.
Set up an internal surveillance system.
Harass citizens' groups.
Engage in arbitrary detention and release.
Target key individuals.
Control the press.
Declare all dissent to be treason.
Suspend the rule of law.

And people say George can't get anything done!

Brian Lambs Dance Party

Brian Patrick Lamb received the Presidential Medal of Freedom today at the White House. Brian deserves the honor, but I respect him most for his fierce devotion to the first amendment. He has been uncompromising on allowing Americans, even the ones who are completely nuts, to call in and talk politics live and unedited (without even an 8 second delay). The results are varied, but I like the idea that callers have a right to make a fool of themselves.

Congrats BPL, you are an American original!

Shakespeare for Mutts

Another Thing I love about Dogs:

You can talk to them in any sort of made up nonsense language you want, and they look at you like you're Peter O'Toole doing Shakespeare.

Ain't No Cure ReDux

Two unrelated things stuck with me this weekend while on a 24 hour duty shift. One, we ran a working code on a 40 something mom. On scene was her young son as we worked on her. I saw the boy on the porch being held by a neighbor, tears running down his face. I touched him and said that we were doing everything we could. We kept up for another 30 mins or so at the hospital, but she was gone. Turns out there was a long history of cocaine abuse, and now a boy without a mom. I'll remember his tears.
Second item: got into a discussion at the firehouse with a couple of the guys on politics. I try to be careful as I don't really want to get into it hot and heavy with Republicans... that's not the reason I go there. This one guy is a great firefighter, a skilled young 20 something who was spouting every stupid kool aid driven wingnut talking point about Hillary and Mike Moore, and the dems just want his money to give to Mexicans etc etc etc. Here is what struck me after I walked away to avoid hitting him with a axe: This young man will without hesitation risk his life to save a complete stranger in a burning building. That act takes great courage and true compassion. Yet he is adamant about not wanting to share a nickle with an illegal immigrant. I could not help but wonder about the contradiction: he could very well be killed or injured the next time the bells go off trying to save an illegal, a criminal, or God forbid,,, a democrat......but he'll be dammed if he'll let that pinko bitch Hillary give any of his hard earned pay to a bunch of beaners. ( Apparently there is some sort of secret Democratic plan to give firefighters paychecks to illegal Mexican taco factory workers or something that the liberal main stream media is not reporting on. Fucking media..it's all their fault.

"Wisdom" isolated from compassion is a treacherous form of ignorance.

I need to find the Taoist candidate for Prez....... Of course those are mutually contradictory states of being... I don't know if anyone who has made any spiritual progress would want to run for the office. I think that maybe Jimmy Carter was an exception..I only saw him in person once at the Span..he was sleeping on a couch in the green room, then had to carry about 25 copies of his book to a back room to sign. I'll never forget the picture of Jimmy loaded down with a stack of books up to his chin, that huge smile, and the SS guys keeping thier hands free by not helping an elderly man carry a heavy stack of books. It seemed that at least one of the guys could have lent a hand to JC. There were a number of agents in the room, and I think one or two of them could have held us crazy C-SPAN potential Lee Harveys off..considering that they had Uzi's and we didn't. At least I didn't.. I'm not so sure about Brian Lamb.

Radio Nowhere

One of the great examples of what radio ought to be: The day Nixon resigned I recall listening to WABX on my car radio hearing them playing " I Fought The Law" and blowing party horns like it was new years eve. The larger point is this: That's was a perfect example of a media source that was embedded in the culture it served. I didn't want to hear what the news station said about the news that day.. I had to hear what the guys on 'ABX were saying and playing, and doing about it. I sat in my car in a parking lot late for an appointment to hear more. I felt part of something, the music was about more than music, the cause was just, and we were all in it together.. much like the folks talked about in the recent Ken Burns War series... a sense of shared mission, and shared joy at victory.

I was looking at R&R today. Which one of those stupid sons of tricky dickey profiled in that rag are programing a station, or a channel as relevant to its customers as Station X was to me? I've asked the question before, but I'll ask it again..who the fuck dreams of growing up to program a "Jack" format? How fucking lame.........