Showing posts with label News. Show all posts
Showing posts with label News. Show all posts

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I Read The News Today Oh Boy.......


You may have noticed the cool stunt the other day where some well funded pranksters distributed fake editions of the New York Times with headlines like: Iraq War Ends. That got me thinking about some headlines we can only dream of:


George Bush Surrenders To Authorities At Hague.

Sarah Palin Replaces Vanna White, Pat Sajak Quits In Protest.

Joe Lieberman Named Chairman Of Sub-Committee On Sewage Treatment.

"Joe The Plumber" Joins WWF Tour, Will Wrestle As "Joe The Plumber".

Dick Cheney Flees, Believed Hiding In Argentina.

Sean Hannity Arrested For Public Lewdness In Port Authority Restroom.

Detroit Lions Win Game



Monday, February 11, 2008

News From The Internets

When news breaks here, it stays broken:

From the "Hold Onto Your Wallet in Ohio" file:
Former Rep. Bob Ney (R-Ohio) will be released from his minimum security prison later this month, according to a source close to the former Congressman.
Staight To Hell X'Press Update:

On Friday, a day after Karl Rove donated $2300 to John McCain's campaign, McCain (R-AZ) put aside a longstanding grudge over Rove's famously bold tactics in securing George Bush the 2000 GOP nomination, and said that Rove’s advice would be welcome in his campaign.
"Nobody denies he's one of the smartest political minds in America," McCain said. "I'd be glad to get his advice. I get advice from a lot of people. I'd be happy to have his advice."

We Don't Need No Stinking Constitution, and We Don't Need No Science Niether....
Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee has won electoral contests by focusing his pitch to religious conservatives around the country. And in a Sunday visit to the church of the deceased Rev. Jerry Falwell, Huckabee threw that base some more red meat.
"We really don’t need a lot of law if we’re people of morality," Huckabee said at the Thomas Road Baptist Church in Lynchburg, Virginia, according to a report in the Lynchburg News Advance. "There are only 10 basic laws that we need … the reason that the law is more complicated is because we try to find clever ways around those 10."

White House Economists Predict I Will Sleep With Morgan Fairchild:
The US economy will grow in 2008 and avoid a recession despite a lingering housing slump and a related credit crunch, White House economists said Monday.
The annual "Economic Report of the President" said the world's largest economy had absorbed shocks in the past and that Congress's approval of a giant economic stimulus plan last week would help bolster growth.
"Economic growth is expected to continue in 2008. Most market forecasts suggest a slower pace in the first half of 2008, followed by strengthened growth in the second half of the year," the annual survey said.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

And He's Got A Plastic Hoo Haw On His Bumper


Actual AP Headline:
Va. Lawmaker Seeks Ban on Replica Genitalia After Girl Spots Rubber Testicles on Trailer Hitch

Thursday, December 13, 2007

And Larry Craig is Hetero Man of The Year


Gonzales Named Lawyer of the Year
By LARA JAKES JORDAN Associated Press Writer

Dec 12th, 2007 WASHINGTON -- Negative news coverage may have cost former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales his job, but it won him a dubious honor Wednesday from a magazine published by the American Bar Association: Lawyer of the Year.
Additionally, the ABA Journal named Gonzales' successor, Attorney General Michael Mukasey, as its top lawyer for 2008 — mostly in anticipation of how often he'll be in the media spotlight for trying to repair the beleaguered Justice Department.
The monthly magazine gave the awards to lawyers who made the most news, said editor and publisher Edward A. Adams.
"Think about Time magazine's Person of the Year," Adams said in an interview. "In years past they've named people like Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin. So we're not suggesting by these awards that these are the best lawyers in any sense of the word. We are saying they are the most newsworthy — and perhaps also the best."
This Just In: In a related story, Michael Vick has been named "Dog Lover" of The Year.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I Just Loved This Headline:




Seeking an apology, a robot heckles Bill Clinton on the stump

12/11/2007 @ 4:26 pm

AP Story:

It's not unusual for former President Bill Clinton to encounter protesters. But it's strange when they are made of metal.


At an Iowa City campaign stop for his wife Hillary last night, a man dressed in a silver metallic suit, a matching helmet and dark glasses heckled Clinton before he was booed out of the room.


Apparently it was THE ROBOT not Bill, who was booed out of the room.

Friday, December 7, 2007

My Hometown in The News, The Most Horrible Thing I've Ever Read


See the sentence highlighted in red.

Girl, 7, shot 6 times saving mom
Norman Sinclair, Santiago Esparza and Jennifer Mrozowski / The Detroit News


DETROIT -- A 7-year-old-girl is being hailed as an "angel from heaven" and a hero for jumping in front of an enraged gunman, who pumped six bullets into the child as she used her body as a shield to save her mother's life.

Alexis Goggins, a first-grader at Campbell Elementary School, is in stable condition at Children's Hospital in Detroit recovering from gunshot wounds to the eye, left temple, chin, cheek, chest and right arm.

"She is an angel from heaven," said Aisha Ford, a family friend for 15 years who also was caught up in the evening of terror.

The girl's mother, Selietha Parker, 30, was shot in the left side of her head and her bicep by a former boyfriend, who police said was trying to kill Parker. The gunman was disarmed by police and arrested at the scene of the shooting, a Detroit gas station. Police identified him as Calvin Tillie, 29, a four-time convicted felon whom Parker had dated for six months.

Parker, who was treated and released at Detroit Receiving Hospital, is now at her daughter's bedside. She declined to comment Tuesday.

The drama began to unfold just before midnight Saturday, when Parker called Ford and asked if she and Alexis could spend the night at Ford's home.

"She said she had no heat and they were very cold, and I said , sure I'll come and get you," Ford said.

Ford said she drove her burgundy 1998 Ford Expedition to Parker's home on Dwyer. She said as Parker and Alexis walked up to her vehicle she saw a man on the porch, who she assumed was a furnace repairman. She said Alexis, who walks with a limp, slipped momentarily on the icy sidewalk and as she helped the girl up, she saw the man and recognized him as Tillie. He was holding a gun.

Tillie ordered them into the vehicle, cursed at the women and angrily told Ford to drive him to Six Mile Road, she said.

"He looked like he was enraged and didn't care what he did. I knew if we went to Six Mile, he would kill us," Ford said. Instead, she told him she needed gas and drove to the Fast Stop Gas station in the 5000 block of East Seven Mile Road, a station that requires customers to pay the attendant inside.

"I figured if he got out to pump the gas, I was going to take off," Ford said.

Instead, Tillie gave her $10 and told her put in $5 worth of gas.

Ford said she dialed 911 on her cell phone as she walked into the station.

"The first operator clicked off and I dialed again and told that operator a guy with a gun was holding me hostage with a mother and baby and threatening to kill us. I told her the name of the gas station and then she said they didn't have a unit to send."

Ford said she paid for $5 of gas and slowly returned to the vehicle, stalling for time as she handed Tillie the change. She said she kept stopping and starting the pump, hoping the police would show up.

"I told him I needed more gas and took money out of my purse and went back into the station," she said. The attendant, Mohammad Alghazali, 30, said he noticed Ford was crying and she told him what was happening. He called 911 as he heard shots coming from the vehicle.

"It was very scary. She (Ford) was scared and screaming when the guy was shooting. I was scared, too. I was on the phone talking to the police when he started shooting," he said

Parker told police that Tillie said Ford was taking too long

She said she pleaded with him but he pointed the gun at her and shot her in the side of the head. She told police she was shot in the arm as she lunged at Tillie.

Before Tillie could fire again, Alexis jumped over the seat between her mother and the gunman and begged him not to shoot her mother.

The police report said Tillie "without hesitation" pumped six shots into the child.

As police arrived, they saw Parker, covered in blood, running from the truck, screaming, "He just shot my baby."

The officers said Tillie came out to the vehicle holding a blue steel 9 mm semi automatic and dropped the weapon when ordered to do so. Officers said they found Alexis huddled on the floor under the steering wheel, covered in blood, surrounded by spent cartridge casings, a spent bullet on the floor and teeth on the seat. There were bullet holes in the windshield and blood inside.

Alghazali said a police car on a street nearby arrived in less than a minute after his call.

Marvin Bodley, a Detroit Public Schools attendance agent, spent two days at Alexis' hospital bedside and said it's miraculous that she's alive.

"What a courageous, courageous little girl," he said. "You see more bandages than child," he said. "It's a horrific sight."

Bodley said Alexis receives special education services at school, in part because of a weak left eye, which is the result of a massive stroke she suffered as an infant.

Ford said doctors at the time had predicted that when Alexis got older she would have trouble with tasks such as writing, but she is now able to write her name.

"She is a good little girl who is very protective of her mother," said Tonya Colbert, Parker's cousin.

Tillie is being held in the Wayne County Jail facing kidnapping, assault with intent to murder, child abuse, felony firearms and habitual criminal charges.

A preliminary examination is scheduled for Dec. 13.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Million Dollar Dingbat


AIKEN, S.C. (AP) — A bank teller in Clearwater had a million reasons not to open an account for an Augusta, Ga., man Monday, authorities said. Alexander D. Smith, 31, was charged with disorderly conduct and two counts of forgery after he walked into the bank and tried to open an account by depositing a fake $1 million bill, said Aiken County Sheriff's spokesman Lt. Michael Frank.
The employee refused to open the account and called police while the man started to curse at bank workers, Frank said.
The second forgery charge came after investigators learned Smith bought several cartons of cigarettes from a nearby grocery store with a stolen check, Frank said.
The federal government has never printed a million-dollar bill, Frank said.


I'm guessing Alan Greenspan here had no luck getting change for a zillion when he was buying a carton of Kools.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

The Domino Effect


From WTOP Radio:

WASHINGTON - Commuters who use Virginia Railway Express' Fredericksburg line were delayed Wednesday morning after VRE briefly halted service.
Trains are moving, although VRE says commuters should expect delays.
According to Randy Earl, spokesman for Prince William County Fire, here's what happened: About 5:50 a.m. a deer startled a homeless man who was walking along the tracks in the Woodbridge area. As the deer came out of the underbrush, an Amtrak train was passing by. Out of reflex, Earl says the man moved toward the train and injured his hand and arm. His injuries were not life-threatening.
The incident shut down VRE train service for part of the 6 a.m. hour, causing a ripple effect that made commuters late.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Did He Really Want To Hurt Him?


The Daily Mail Reports:


Boy George has been charged with false imprisonment after allegedly chaining a male escort to a wall at his London flat. Police said today that the 47-year-old singer and DJ has been ordered to appear before Thames magistrates next week. He reported to a police station yesterday and was released on bail. Auden Karlsen, 28, claims he was a prisoner at the Culture Club star's home in Shoreditch. He said he met George on the website Gaydar but only went to the flat as a photographic model. He said George and another man held him at the property after taking pictures.
The star allegedly produced whips and sex toys and threatened him. Mr Karlsen said he only escaped after wrenching a hook out the wall. George, charged under his real name of O'Dowd, denied the allegations when they came to light in April. He could be jailed for life if he is convicted. Last year George was given community service in New York after pleading guilty to falsely reporting a burglary at his Manhattan flat.


Threatened him with what??

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Breaking News- Mutt Up Date


Final bill on Mutteration at Vet = $767.00. I think I could buy 2 or 3 smaller dogs for that much money. Still I love the fella, and the least I can do is share his post op pain by having several large bills removed from my wallet. Ouch!

Back again.........

So Ok... it's been a while. Guess what.. I'm back with a desire to write again. It seems like this may once again be a place I can ...