Stairway To Heaven, Jesus in The Parking Lot,and The Seven Hundred Thousand Dollar Umbrage Machine..

We ran a call last Friday night helping a woman who had her toes amputated get up her stairs. The lady was a true southern charmer, you could hear the honey in her voice, and you could see that once upon a time she had the men lining up for a taste. Her home was filled with beautiful feminine antiques, a piano with ivory inlays, a beaux arts desk, everywhere summer hats and frilly scarves... all a bit faded in the waning summer light. It seemed that she, like her home, was.. fading.. slipping away, yet still beautiful. She thanked us deeply for carrying her up the stairs to her bed, and promised us that when she got better we'd all be invited for a grand party. I knew, and I think she knew, there would be no getting better. It was a sad sweet moment, and I wondered if we all one day get to a tipping point like that; a point where we know we won't ever feel young again, a day when one notices the shadows growing longer, a day when you feel the first shiver of winter.

Speaking of shivers, I couldn't help but notice the full parking lot as I drove past the local Mega First Baptist Church Of Wall Mart or whatever the fuck they call the local yahboob palace last Sunday. I got to wondering how is it that these places can be so full, and produce people with such cold hearts. I'm pretty sure most if not all of your Glen Beck Tea Bag Anti Obama Fuck the Poor We Don't Need No God Damn Health Care type screamers attends one of these mega moron joints. And If not, I'll wager you a crisp hundred that 98% of them would describe themselves as 'Christian'. I guess the question I have for these folks is the existential Christian question posed by Jesus himself: "who do you say I am?". Define your Christ folks,,,is he not seen in the poor? In the broken? In the sick? In the immigrant? And if he isn't, then where do you find him? Whom is it you claim to worship? I'd love an answer, but I don't expect I'll get one.

When I was in college we used to joke that the 'professional' Tee Vee guys had such great equipment that they probably had a special $700,000 'glitch' machine just to make stuff look crappy when they wanted to simulate amateur video. (Our stuff looked crappy for free). I thought of the glitch machine while reading the inane comments of the Palinistas complaining about Obamas speech to the kiddies today. God forbid the president should speak to school kids... why..why he might put socialized pluralistic communistic fluoridated type scientific ideas in their tiny little head spaces, and the very next thing you know they will be smoking Ecstasy and running a death panel while playing video games. So the good folks at the Family Research Christian Family American Anti Commie Family Jesus Center just press a button and crank up the magic umbrage machine..and before you can say "Holy Shit Birds Batman", the airwaves are flooded with sweaty jerk offs whining about the latest "assault' and 'insult'. These people are every bit as crazy as the Muslim nuts who riot every time someone draws a cartoon of Mohamed smoking hash in Amsterdam. Hmm I wonder if old Osama Bin Fuckwad has anything besides a dialysis machine in that cave of his... maybe something worth about ..oh 700 grand or so......