The last couple of days at the fair consisted of dust bowl like heat conditions followed by biblical monsoons and Woodstock anniversary mud puddles. Sweltering in the heat I realized that some genius in the "planing" department ( these guys are to the concept of 'planing' as the Detroit Lions are to the concept of 'winning') decided that the nice shady part of our worksite would be the perfect place to put the air-conditioned 'command' trailer; while the open front tents for doing public outreach could sit directly exposed to the mid day sun and heat. Bosses sit in the air-conditioned shade while workers and the taxpayers sweat their corn dog swollen sweaty balls off. Where's Karl Marx when you need him?
Friday night the skies opened just as the Demolition Derby was getting underway... causing several thousand 'sports fans' ( the Demo Derby is a 'sport' just like Thomas Kincade is an 'artist') to run for their lives and seek cover under the bleachers. Some of these die hards waited a couple of hours in the rain hoping to see some crash for clunkers before heading back home to their trailer parks. If I seem to have an attitude about "Derby Fans" ... .maybe it's because I've seen these people up close. Three hundred pounds, bad teeth, mullets, Skynrd tee shirts, and a 249 ounce big gulp (and that' just grandma). Let me put it this way: Demolition Derby fans make NASCAR aficionados look like an opening night crowd at the Bolshoi..... Yikes.....
My neighbor Lyndon explained all this to me the other day : " We just don't have no good Monster Trucks around here... you gotta go to the midwest to see that. Them folks know what's what with a big ass loud monster fucking truck.." The man has a point... my home-state of Michigan may have the economic outlook of a Kosher Deli in Kandahar.... but we sure as holy jumping fucking Jesus can make a pickup truck that's 35 feet tall and loud enough to make the Virgin Mary herself shit her drawers every-time that bad boy steps on the gas. Whoo wee!
Speaking of gastrointestinal disorders... I've spent the last nine days eating hot dogs and cole slaw from the Bethesda Methodist 'pavilion' . This seems to be pretty much a low rent version of the Hollywood Detox diets... I don't think it's done me any good from a heath stand point ... but at least I've had a chance to see that most endangered of species up close: The Bethesda Methodist. They can normally be identified in the field by their pink Izod golf shirts, and exceedingly dour expressions. In over a week of dealing with the same guy at the counter.....his entire conversation with me consisted of: " Here's your dog... (grunt)". Good PR Meth-Ohs.... I bet you'll get a lot of sign ups..... maybe even as many as the Strobe Light Wankers down the midway. Now if you'll excuse me, I feel an urgent need to shop for an Izod golf shirt.
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