I spent last weekend once again in the belly of the beast at my condo in South Carolina . We had a great weekend, perfect weather, empty beaches, and I was starting to think I wouldn't have anything to write about even though we were once again in the heart of Jesusland. Oh me of little faith; lo and behold on the last night of our stay we came home from dinner to find a 130 foot super luxury yacht moored at the fuel dock in our marina. Holy nautical overkill Batman! This thing was fucking huge, and incredibly beautiful. My best guess is that some scumbag banker made enough from our tax bailout to drop a cool 20 million or so on this bad boy. I noticed the ship was registered in Bikini Marshall Islands, which is an off shore flag of convenience registry for a boat built in Florida. It is also worth noting that the Bikini Atoll is where we ( or was it the French ) used to test H- Bombs. Maybe it would be fitting if we made these rich pricks actually live there for a year before they could register their super duper-look at the size of my dick- floating fuck pads there. I figure after about a year in the hot zone their balls will glow in the dark enough to help them find their way to the 'poop deck' during those dark nights at sea.
As my neighbors and I stood on the dock and admired this beautiful yacht, we were suddenly joined by a good 'ole boy in a blue Jag XK, who zoomed up and strode over to us. He loudly informed us that this gigantic personal cruise ship in front of us wasn't big enough for his tastes, he was looking for a 140 footer: and by the way he owns a fuel company, a port in Charleston, and a P-51 airplane One could only surmise he was also the proud owner of a tiny, tiny penis.The 'gent' in question then explained how he doesn't pay a "48 percent Obama tax". keeps his money offshore in the Virgin Islands, hates blacks and women drivers, and thinks we are all chumps, He snorted, said we could all kiss his ass,climbed back in his Jag and left. I turned to my friends and said: "I think we just met Joe Wilson's chief fundraiser...".
This man was full of hate, rage, and my guess would be plenty of 12 year old single malt. I felt that I was standing inches away from the angry red white and blue eyed face of the Republican Party circa 2009. Put a sheet on this rich twats head and you got yourself a Grand Cyclops..... except I believe that gig is already taken by a certain J. Wilson of Colombia S.C. Oh well, I suppose one could always start a chapter overseas... say somewhere in the Marshall Islands....... I'm sure there are plenty of extra sheets on board the yacht.
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