The Beginning Of Wisdom......

Stuff I have finally figured out:

1. People believe what they want to in spite of all evidence. Case in point: millions of American morons continue to think George W. Bush did an OK job. These people are thankfully a minority, but still represent a large enough to notice swath of the population. Should we trust them with sharp objects?

2. Guys who spend all day thinking about money or pussy are dangerous and should be avoided. On the other hand people who never think about either should not be trusted with the keys to the men's room.

3. Women who say they are not at all jealous are lying. Every time.

4. Oswald didn't do it. Nobody plans to shoot the president and then escape by taking the fucking bus.

5.Tee Vee 'talents' are just DJ's with better hair. The moniker 'vacuous' would be a step up for most of these shit birds.

6. Most of medicine is guesswork. Many ailments may in fact be caused by evil jin jin.

7. My mother was right about stuff: pointy shoes DO ruin your feet, and come to think of it my eyesight isn't that good anymore either.

8. The government lies about just about everything. Mostly to cover up incompetence.

9. British people are not any smarter than us. In fact they are mostly drunkards with bad teeth. But they do have great accents.

10. The wisest souls are the quietest.

The Climb Out

I was driving west past the south lawn the other day

Watching a plane slowly claw its way north

Slowly ascending, framed by the monument and the setting sky

And I saw in the moment that morning

Framed by bright blue September

And the eerie quiet afternoon I watched

just a fighter dancing high above

We began our descent then

Until now

Until we begin to climb north again.

Stupid Facebook Lists

Fuck It List

x) Been pulled over while drunk on your ass (extra credit if also "holding").
(x) Woke up with someone you don't remember meeting.
(x) Told the boss to "suck my dick" or "kiss my sweet ass".
(x) Were too drunk to fuck.
(x) Too drunk to fish.
(x) Lost your car for greater than an hour. (Extra points if greater than 24).
(x) Slept on the front lawn. ( In Detroit ) ( In February).
(x) Got lost looking for the bathroom. ( Extra points if you woke up mom or dad to ask directions.)
(x) Decided that all day Green Acres marathon more important than work.
(x) Pissed in a sink.( Extra credit if you didn't move the dishes).
(x) Slept your way to the top. (Extra points if you slept your way to the middle).
(x) Faked cancer scare to avoid sales meeting.
(x) Hit on ( not by, but on) a member of the clergy. (Extra points if heterosexual).
(x) Tried to go mano a mano with your dad after 2am.
(x) Got kicked out of the house after 2am.
(x) Got kicked out of church.
(x) Kicked out of the demolition derby for being "too loud".
(x) Hookers involved in bachelor party. ( Extra credit if involved in wedding).
(x) Lied on a stupid FB list.
(x) Invaded a country for no good reason.

A Doozy Of A Presser

So President Obama has held his first fromal press conference with the WHPC last night in the east room. While I thought it was a bit short on JFK style yucks, and a bit long on a few answers, I believe we are now able to offer the following comparisson chart:

Obama answering questions is to George W answering questions as:

1. King Lear is to Larry The Cable Guy.

2. A Lamborghinni is to a 1976 Chevy Vega.

3. Glenlivet  is to Bud Light.

4. Paris is to Waco.

5. The Lourve is to the starving artist blow out sale at the Holiday Inn.

6. The Pitsburgh Steelers are to the Detroit Lions.

7.  Ali is to Don Knots.

8.  Piccasso is to Thomas Kincade.

9. Albert Einstein to Sarah Palin.

10. Stevie Wonder is to the Jonas Brothers.

Digging For Dollars

I don't know how much more I can watch of these insane Republicans screeching about tax cuts instead of acting on a spending bill. Tax cuts? Are you guys really fucking serious? What good does a tax cut do a man without a job? Duh...... And speaking of insane, I heard some douche bag wall street guy on the tee vee talking about how 500K is chump change. Well I tell you what Sparky, I'll do the job for half that. There is no way, no matter how much gin I drank, that I could fuck up the economy more than these fuck sticks. And picking stocks? I would use the Kennedy method. That's where I paint NASDAQ symbols on trees and fire hydrants in the neighborhood, and whichever ones my dog Kennedy pees on, I buy. I am quite sure I will average at least the same growth rate as my 401K has last year.

So here's my idea, how about we combine the ultimate in reality TV and 'shovel ready' projects, by chaining a bunch of these Banker cocksuckers together and making them dig ditches in the hot sun in say,,,, oh Arizona. Folks at home could bet on which fat shit bird will keel over first. But just to make it fair, the last one standing can get their "bonus" that year. And we could call the show: " Scum Bag Millionaire" I gotta get ABC on the line.

Res Ipsa This.....

All right. Enough is enough. I have been hearing all these Republicans rattle and prattle on and on about their dissatisfaction with the stimulus bill. First point: Obama taking advice from these guys on economics would be akin to the Steelers calling up Matt Millen before the Super Bowl to find out the secret of the Detroit Lions success. Second point: You fuckers lost the election. Badly. So now you get to ..... shut the fuck up. Got a good idea, fine offer it up. But if all you have to offer the American people is more insane tax cuts for the rich, more largess for your banker buddies; more of the same devil take the hindmost laziez fare Enron like "good ideas" that got us into this mess...... then once again, shut your fucking mouths.

I think Obama ought to walk on into the Senate Republican cloak room, grab his "economic package", and tell those Hoover wana-be's to " stimulate this, motherfuckers".

That would be worth watching on C-SPAN.