Tough Shit

Senator Jim Bunning (Scumbag Kentucky) muttered the words " tough shit” on the floor of the US Senate last night during debate over his objection to extending unemployment benefits for another 30 days. We should give the old jock credit where credit is due: the crazy bastard has neatly summed up the Republicans overall attitude to the struggles of the American middle class... namely: " You're on you own. And fuck you anyway".



In an attempt to be helpful, I offer the following handy dandy guide to the R's position on several other important issues:


1. You're losing your house to foreclosure. R's response: " Blow me".


2. You're kid is sick and you don't have insurance. " Boo fucking hoo asshole".


3. Your son or daughter was killed in Iraq. " Shit happens.."


4. You're an unwed mother with no income.  " Suck dick next time".


5. You're in a stall at the airport next to Larry Craig. " Blow me".


To be even more helpful, let me offer a short "field guide" to help you ID some of the Republicans you may see on the Tee Vee making the above points.


Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY): Short white guy with look on his face like he has a 12 inch spiked electric dildo up his ass. (The KY after his name is the lube not the state.)


Senator David Vitter (R-LA) Tall white guy in a diaper with a New Orleans hooker sitting on his face. Really. I am not making this shit up. Honest.


Senator John Ensign (R-NV) White haired white guy with a twat hair stuck between his two front teeth. His folks will pay for the dental cleaning and tip his mistress 65K. Makes Mark Sanford look like Mary Poppins.


Minority Leader in the House John Boehner (R-OH). Look, the guys name is Boner. B O N E R. I don't care how he says it. It's pronounced boner. As in dick. As in penis. As in fuckstick. 'Nuff said.


Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) So crazy even John Ensign wouldn't fuck her. That's saying something.


Last but very much least we come to Senator Jim Bunning (R-KY). Former ball player. One school of though thinks he wore his jock too tight. Another holds that he got hit the head several hundred times by line drives because he was too stupid to duck. This guy is so bad that about all we can say is that he makes the rest of these bozos look like Jefferson and Lincoln. And oh..If you think my remarks are unfair..... Tough shit.

Pulled Southward

She's heading south

She says she doesn't recongnize the face in the glass

So next week she'll leave, but I can follow, I can make my way

southward

Perhaps I can grow old in an undershirt

and play checkers and smoke cigars in a park

like the Cuban gentlemen do

I can squint in the afternoon sun

and drive past the shacks and pines and debris

of other peoples small dramas

Perhaps I can see things clearly

Perhaps...

There has been too little recognition,

too many departures in my time

Perhaps I can follow and wander in the heat amid the vines and beaches

No Jew I, no longer Christian, just a northern boy

pulled southward

The City Of Art and Good Intentions

The planes appear over your left shoulder

suddenly

as if by magic

Great beasts following the river, banking left

revealing

The city of lies and white marble at sunset

Unwrapped,  unbroken,

Full of art, and dreams of art,

and youth always on the make

Lots of fucking in this town:. lots of shady promises,

lots of empty heroes caught in black and white

The planes suprise me everytime I follow the river

I should be used to them by now, I should be used to this place

But I keep thinking it will all get better...

the stones are so pretty at sunset.

The State Of Dis Union

Somewhere in an alternate universe on an alternate TV channel...



Madam Speaker, Mr. Vice President, My Fellow Americans, and you bitches on the Supreme Court. Yes I mean you Alito. The state of our union is fucked up. I don't have to tell any of you out there in Tee Vee land that, most of you are watching this on the flat screen over the hot dog machine at the 7-11 where you work a third job to try and pay the doctor bill from grandmas anal fissure surgery last summer. So have a big gulp on the house (hey Southland Corp didn’t contribute shit to me last year), and listen up people: it's time for some shit to go down!



First up: I'm gonna nationalize the banks. Those greedy motherfuckers won't be happy until all of us are living in a double wide that we owe 400 large on for 90 years at 29% interest. But I tell you what. If any of you whores in here don't like it I'll give you a choice. we can either take 'em over and start writing fair deals to Americans... or instead of nationalizing we can analize Wall Street. Line 'em up bend em over, and let every foreclosed bastard step up and "deliver some interest due". So which side of that transaction do you fuckers want to be on?



Next: Afpakiraquistan. I'm giving the Saudi's 72 hours to hand over Bin Laden. That's right, the fucking Saudi's. Don't even try to tell me you cunts don't know where he is. If I don't get a FedEx with a set of OBL balls in it in 3 days.. I'm gonna make a quick call to my posse at Cheyenne mountain. And guess what...20 minutes later Mecca is a big ass sheet of glass. You think I'm playing? Check this out:  this morning at about o dark thirty, I ordered federal agents to round up Dick Cheney, Glen Beck, Ann Coulter, and Karl Rove among others on charges of Treason. We also picked up Harry Reid for being a pussy, and Rachael Maddow 'cause I want to find out if she's really queer.... anyhow they are all currently on their way to a little 'fun in the sun' in Gitmo.... so figure it out my tent headed friends... no more fucking around.. hand over the big boy or I'm gonna bust a thermonuclear cap in your Islamic ass.



Hey Wilson I thought I told you shut the fuck up last time... you want me to send the video of you in the cheerleader costume to your fucking wife ..I didn’t think so holmes.......



At this point the signal went snowy and my set returned to Nympo Snowboarders Extreme Makeover CSI or whatever NBC is running at 10 PM these days.....

What The Fucking Fuck?

Ok time for some political reality.

1. The Dems are stupid.

2. The Republicans are worse.

3. The media are fucking morons.

4. The voters are the dumbest of all.

5. If you think a jag off with four houses and a truck is the second coming of Tom Jefferson, please call me ASAP about some real estate I've got in South Carolina.....

6. It's easy to say that if the Dems are so stupid then they deserve to lose, but try telling that to the family with a child denied coverage due to a pre existing condition. This shit matters, and the R's don't give a flying fuck about you or your family. Do the Dems? Well they will still fuck you in the ass, but you at least stand a chance to get a reach around.

7. The Dems problem is not that they are too liberal, it's that they act like pussys, while the R's are just lying scumbags who enjoy others misery. I say ram the individual parts of health care down the throat of the shitbags in the Senate. Dare Susan Collins to vote against a law that outlaws insurance companies from denying coverage based on pre existing conditions. Make these twats stand and be counted as what they are: whores.

8. The same glee dumb shits greeted Palin with can be seen in the results from clam chowder land, a whoop it up cackle by people who are busy sawing off the very tree limb they are stranded on... go ahead and hit yourself in the balls with a 2X4 and then tell me how you are "striking a blow for freedom". That will give you the exact same result as a vote for Scott Brown or Sarah Pale and White.

9. I have said it before, and I say it again. I could move back to Michigan and get elected this fall to the US House on a strict platform of a mortgage moratorium. No mortgage payments for one year. Its a concept as old as the Jubilee Year from scripture, and lets people save their homes, helps real estate recover, pumps money and jobs into the economy, and fucks the banks just enough to make them bleed without killing them. I will call my bill the " Strap On Mortgage Relief Act Of 2010”.

10. Wolf Blitzer should be locked in a small cage with Diane Sawyer, two feral cats, a bottle of Astroglide, and a jar of Jiffy Peanut butter. That my friends would be worth $4.99 on pay per view.

Christmas Car Talk

  Driving up the GW parkway the other night, watching the snow covered trees flash by,  triggered a rush of memories: I thought for a moment of 1975 when my friend Kevin and I used to hang out with Rachel and Janice in their apartment above a bakery on 7 mile and Van Dyke. I can still smell the bread baking while we sat on the floor and drank Lambrusco and smoked Newports and Kools... Rachel was a titty dancer at the Grand Duchess (though she had really small tits),  I was into Janice who was dark eyed and swayed just so... One time she sang a song she wrote which was stupid (and she knew it) but I still remember after all these years: " The rain is falling from the sky, falling from the clouds, falling from my eyes...” dumb lyrics but it was a sweet moment that she shared... later that year she invited me up north to see her and her new boyfriend on his 'ranch' somewhere way the fuck up near Mackinaw. I was young and dumb enough to think "why not?' and so I drove my Chevy up there in January.rolling past snow covered pines for hours... till I got there and promtly put my  Nova in a ditch on the 'ranch' driveway. Anyhow I remember Janice, her boyfriend (who kept saying to her: "God Damn woman it's 1975!), and I  dropped mescaline and played pool at the local bar with the rednecks. I was quite a sight in those days, a super skinny kid with red hair down to his ass, and a fancy leather jacket with zippers all over it. Some how I managed not to get my self killed by the redneck locals or the cowboy boyfriend... and I can still picture the ride back to the ranch that night in his van... no heat, Janice in the passenger seat, cowboy driving, me hanging on to her armrest sitting on the cold floor, pines and snow banks flashing by at 80 MPH, the three of us tripping our brains out.... seeing her breath in the air...and a sadness in her eyes that she'd ended up with this guy, knowing I'd never see her again, and hearing his refrain... "God damn woman, it's 1975..."

Driving along I got another flash of a Christmas eve car ride when I was about 7 or 8... my dad had a 1961 Comet , and I can remember sitting in the back seat watching the big lit up yellow pages sign along side the freeway as we drove home from my grandpa's house, old spice and whiskey smells  in the cold dark car, mixed with a hint of exhaust (the Comet was a real piece of shit) ... my mother huddled as close as she could get to the passenger door, her lips pursed....unhappy with my fathers drinking... her face lit by the glow from the dash and the streetlights.... for some reason this image is often the one I recall when I think of our family. I guess it sums it up.

That image flashed forward to Nicki in the front seat of my 200SX... we were driving on a wet and dark Telegraph road one Holiday in the '80s and someone cut me off. I had the reflex somehow to make just the right lane change at high speed. And she looked at me and said: "nice job"... I felt like John Wayne... and I remember her hair was so black her flecks of purple highlights shone like diamonds in the light from passing cars....

I remembered a time I was driving home from Toledo up I-75 in the crappy used Mazda I bought when Casey was back in England and "Tasha and I were living at the lake in Howell... some douche bag did a 3 lane dash for his exit right in front of me. This time either my reflex wasn't so fast or the tires couldn’t hold, but I spun 4 times at 70MPH before sliding into the shoulder grass.... all the while seeing Tasha's face wondering what would become of her...

Of course enough Christmas's have passed that I can tell how the story turned out... my folks are long dead, Nicki’s long in England, Janice and Rachael and Kevin are just ghosts of memory,Tasha remains safe at home with Casey and I, but sometimes.... when the headlights play off the snowdrifts just right... I hear a voice singing: "The rain is falling from the sky......

The View From The 39th Floor

New York is full of German tourists

They're marching around the Empire state

There's a woman on TV from Brooklyn

Drinking soup in the wind

(I guess that's news, though no one mentions the Germans)

Macy's is full of knifes and red ribbons

And the old women bitch in the basement about the service

I look out my window to the statue in the south

And see two holes in the sky

New York is full of ghosts ascending

Though no one notices, not even the Germans.