The State Of Dis Union

Somewhere in an alternate universe on an alternate TV channel...



Madam Speaker, Mr. Vice President, My Fellow Americans, and you bitches on the Supreme Court. Yes I mean you Alito. The state of our union is fucked up. I don't have to tell any of you out there in Tee Vee land that, most of you are watching this on the flat screen over the hot dog machine at the 7-11 where you work a third job to try and pay the doctor bill from grandmas anal fissure surgery last summer. So have a big gulp on the house (hey Southland Corp didn’t contribute shit to me last year), and listen up people: it's time for some shit to go down!



First up: I'm gonna nationalize the banks. Those greedy motherfuckers won't be happy until all of us are living in a double wide that we owe 400 large on for 90 years at 29% interest. But I tell you what. If any of you whores in here don't like it I'll give you a choice. we can either take 'em over and start writing fair deals to Americans... or instead of nationalizing we can analize Wall Street. Line 'em up bend em over, and let every foreclosed bastard step up and "deliver some interest due". So which side of that transaction do you fuckers want to be on?



Next: Afpakiraquistan. I'm giving the Saudi's 72 hours to hand over Bin Laden. That's right, the fucking Saudi's. Don't even try to tell me you cunts don't know where he is. If I don't get a FedEx with a set of OBL balls in it in 3 days.. I'm gonna make a quick call to my posse at Cheyenne mountain. And guess what...20 minutes later Mecca is a big ass sheet of glass. You think I'm playing? Check this out:  this morning at about o dark thirty, I ordered federal agents to round up Dick Cheney, Glen Beck, Ann Coulter, and Karl Rove among others on charges of Treason. We also picked up Harry Reid for being a pussy, and Rachael Maddow 'cause I want to find out if she's really queer.... anyhow they are all currently on their way to a little 'fun in the sun' in Gitmo.... so figure it out my tent headed friends... no more fucking around.. hand over the big boy or I'm gonna bust a thermonuclear cap in your Islamic ass.



Hey Wilson I thought I told you shut the fuck up last time... you want me to send the video of you in the cheerleader costume to your fucking wife ..I didn’t think so holmes.......



At this point the signal went snowy and my set returned to Nympo Snowboarders Extreme Makeover CSI or whatever NBC is running at 10 PM these days.....