Stupid Facebook Lists

Fuck It List

x) Been pulled over while drunk on your ass (extra credit if also "holding").
(x) Woke up with someone you don't remember meeting.
(x) Told the boss to "suck my dick" or "kiss my sweet ass".
(x) Were too drunk to fuck.
(x) Too drunk to fish.
(x) Lost your car for greater than an hour. (Extra points if greater than 24).
(x) Slept on the front lawn. ( In Detroit ) ( In February).
(x) Got lost looking for the bathroom. ( Extra points if you woke up mom or dad to ask directions.)
(x) Decided that all day Green Acres marathon more important than work.
(x) Pissed in a sink.( Extra credit if you didn't move the dishes).
(x) Slept your way to the top. (Extra points if you slept your way to the middle).
(x) Faked cancer scare to avoid sales meeting.
(x) Hit on ( not by, but on) a member of the clergy. (Extra points if heterosexual).
(x) Tried to go mano a mano with your dad after 2am.
(x) Got kicked out of the house after 2am.
(x) Got kicked out of church.
(x) Kicked out of the demolition derby for being "too loud".
(x) Hookers involved in bachelor party. ( Extra credit if involved in wedding).
(x) Lied on a stupid FB list.
(x) Invaded a country for no good reason.

A Doozy Of A Presser

So President Obama has held his first fromal press conference with the WHPC last night in the east room. While I thought it was a bit short on JFK style yucks, and a bit long on a few answers, I believe we are now able to offer the following comparisson chart:

Obama answering questions is to George W answering questions as:

1. King Lear is to Larry The Cable Guy.

2. A Lamborghinni is to a 1976 Chevy Vega.

3. Glenlivet  is to Bud Light.

4. Paris is to Waco.

5. The Lourve is to the starving artist blow out sale at the Holiday Inn.

6. The Pitsburgh Steelers are to the Detroit Lions.

7.  Ali is to Don Knots.

8.  Piccasso is to Thomas Kincade.

9. Albert Einstein to Sarah Palin.

10. Stevie Wonder is to the Jonas Brothers.

Digging For Dollars

I don't know how much more I can watch of these insane Republicans screeching about tax cuts instead of acting on a spending bill. Tax cuts? Are you guys really fucking serious? What good does a tax cut do a man without a job? Duh...... And speaking of insane, I heard some douche bag wall street guy on the tee vee talking about how 500K is chump change. Well I tell you what Sparky, I'll do the job for half that. There is no way, no matter how much gin I drank, that I could fuck up the economy more than these fuck sticks. And picking stocks? I would use the Kennedy method. That's where I paint NASDAQ symbols on trees and fire hydrants in the neighborhood, and whichever ones my dog Kennedy pees on, I buy. I am quite sure I will average at least the same growth rate as my 401K has last year.

So here's my idea, how about we combine the ultimate in reality TV and 'shovel ready' projects, by chaining a bunch of these Banker cocksuckers together and making them dig ditches in the hot sun in say,,,, oh Arizona. Folks at home could bet on which fat shit bird will keel over first. But just to make it fair, the last one standing can get their "bonus" that year. And we could call the show: " Scum Bag Millionaire" I gotta get ABC on the line.

Res Ipsa This.....

All right. Enough is enough. I have been hearing all these Republicans rattle and prattle on and on about their dissatisfaction with the stimulus bill. First point: Obama taking advice from these guys on economics would be akin to the Steelers calling up Matt Millen before the Super Bowl to find out the secret of the Detroit Lions success. Second point: You fuckers lost the election. Badly. So now you get to ..... shut the fuck up. Got a good idea, fine offer it up. But if all you have to offer the American people is more insane tax cuts for the rich, more largess for your banker buddies; more of the same devil take the hindmost laziez fare Enron like "good ideas" that got us into this mess...... then once again, shut your fucking mouths.

I think Obama ought to walk on into the Senate Republican cloak room, grab his "economic package", and tell those Hoover wana-be's to " stimulate this, motherfuckers".

That would be worth watching on C-SPAN.

The Lonesome Death Of Marvin Schur

Perhaps you've read by now about the 93 year old man that froze to death in his home in Bay City Michigan because he owed $1,100 to the electric company, and they shut off his power. The mans name was Marvin Schur.He was an American. The last time I checked, Bay City was in the United Sates of America. And an old man froze to death in his home. In his home in the United States. Would offering free heat to poor old demented citizens be too close to socialism? After all , our tax money is apparently better spent with bankers and wall street crooks who spend it redecorating.
The next time I hear some slime bag with a fifty dollar haircut prattle on about how this country is a 'Christian nation", I'm going to think of Marvin Schur. I would never claim to know what Jesus would think or do, but somehow I don't think he'd be OK with letting old people freeze.

Slumdogs On Mars

We saw Slumdog Millionaire a few weeks ago, and I'm glad to see the Oscar chat for it. I think the larger point is that we live in a gated community called the first world, surrounded by 'slumdogs'. I sponsor a young man in Haiti who is 18 and in the third grade. Until recently he never owned nor slept in a bed. The news reports speak of people eating 'mud cakes' in the cities and God alone knows what in the country side. Haiti is in our hemisphere, one could say it's right in our backyard; yet for the attention we pay, Haiti may as well be on Mars. I have a wood carving I bought years ago in New Orleans of a 'Voodoo Christ". It was carved by a poor Haitian monk, and stands on my night table offering a silent rebuke to me each morning on behalf of the hungry:

"My people My people, how have I offended you?"

I suspect I am being called to do more than send a few bucks or buy a kid a bed. I suspect we all are being called to do more for those with the least. And I suspect we had better hurry, because the truth about 'slumdogs' is that sooner or later.... they bite.

Don't Mind Me, I'm Just Fighting Cancer......

From The Interwebs

Masturbation may be good for you – or bad, depending on your age. The solitary sexual activity that is widely practised but little discussed, is linked with an increased risk of prostate cancer when practised frequently by young men in their twenties and thirties, doctors say.

But by the time men reach their fifties, it may protect against the disease because it helps remove toxins that have built up over a lifetime.

Prostate cancer is known to be driven by the male hormone testosterone, and men with high levels of testosterone tend to have a higher sex drive and a higher risk of the cancer.

But most research has examined older men because prostate cancer is unusual under 50. Researchers at the University of Nottingham studied the link between sexual activity in younger men and the disease to see if it affected their long-term risk. More than 400 men with prostate cancer diagnosed before the age of 60 were questioned about their sexual habits over the preceding decades and the results compared with 400 controls.

The findings showed that those who had been most sexually active in their twenties – having sexual intercourse or masturbating more than 20 times a month – were more likely to have the cancer. Frequent masturbation, but not sexual intercourse, in the twenties and thirties was significantly linked with the later development of prostate cancer.

In their 50s men who were most sexually active (more than 10 times a month for sexual intercourse and masturbation combined) enjoyed a small protective effect. The effect was greater when masturbation was assessed on its ow