God and Dog At Yale, A Timely Rebuke, Cool Gardens

Religion... always a fun topic. Watching Karen Armstrong the other night with Bill Moyers got me thinking about how best to illustrate the insanely bad theology of most American self styled 'christians'. Try this on: I love my Dog more than your 'god' loves you. No matter what my wonderful mutt ever does I would never hurt him, nor wish him anything but joy. According to the theology preached and pounded into the heads of millions of unthinking yahoos everyday in this country, their 'god' will send people to torment for all eternity if the folks don't say the right magic words, and agree to the right set of propositions. That's insane. And monstrous. Such theology demonstrates far less love than any dog lover has for his or her pet. However, the above formula is exactly where the 'christian' doctrine of "no salvation outside the church" leads. Once in the nineties I was so broke I took a job writing commercials for WMUZ, the 'christian' station in Detroit. All in all they were very nice people, a few true believers, and quite a few just there for the job. One time I was asked to write a spot for some local car insurance guy who wanted to tell people that the bible says you have to have car insurance. I asked the guy to show me where it says that since I could not find the chapter titled 'The Gospel of Saint Geico". Another day I was having lunch with one of the salesman who informed me that I was going to hell because I didn't believe in the whole 'Jesus is my personal savior' nonsense. I then asked if my Jewish wife was also condemned. He smiled and said: "Certainly". OK I said, 'what about the six million in the Shoah who went up the chimneys, what about all those children...did your 'god' send them straight to hell because they didn't believe what you do?" He said that yes, he guessed that must be so. I tried to point out that he was expressing the same philosophy as Charlie Manson who famously said, "Hitler was just leveling the karma of the Jews"... but since I was a bit hot and said something along the lines of: " You fucking people are nuts”. I drew a loud 'rebuke in the name of Jesus' from one of the church ladies in the lunchroom. Oh well..So much for the finer points of theological debates. I don't worry much about the big existential questions anymore. The Zen guys would say that such inquiries are " inappropriate" and I think they are right. I do look forward to one day meeting Him, be it in the cool of the evening or the morning garden. And when I do I’ll be walking my dog with 'nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah'.