October 7, 2008
A Bunker Somewhere in Sedona AZ
Your pool reporter with verbatim notes from an early morning presser at McCain HQ:
Republican presidential candidate Senator John S. McCain announced today that he is making the following "adjustments" to his campaign in advance of tonight's debate in Nashville.
1. The Senator has issued orders to his guards to 'shoot on sight' any reporter or voter who asks what the middle initial "S" stands for, and/or refers to to the name Sydney as "kind of faggy".
2. Senator McCain has placed an order for 60,000 white bedsheets to be distributed at Sarah Palin rallies. "Think of it as a sort of chachki for the pointy hat crowd " said McCain communication director and Grand Dragon David Duke. "people like to come home from a rally with something tangible and cutting the eye slits can prove to be a fun family project."
3. The candidate will appear tonight in black face in a effort to "level the playing field" .
4. The McCain campaign will drop the 'Country First' slogan and replace it starting tonight with a phrase that more neatly sums up the Senators world view. The new slogan reads: "I deserve to be president. Now Fuck Off."
5. Lastly, following tonight's debate, Senator McCain will once again suspend his campaign, and this time retreat to a suite at the Beverly Marmount to spend the next 28 days on a "booze, blow, and pussy" bender "worthy of John Belushi". "If the American people want to vote for that upstart uppity negro instead of whats her name and me, well then fuck 'em. They're all a bunch of useless cunts anyway." The Senator then appeared to suffer a seizure of some sort, and the press conference ended abrubtly.
A Bunker Somewhere in Sedona AZ
Your pool reporter with verbatim notes from an early morning presser at McCain HQ:
Republican presidential candidate Senator John S. McCain announced today that he is making the following "adjustments" to his campaign in advance of tonight's debate in Nashville.
1. The Senator has issued orders to his guards to 'shoot on sight' any reporter or voter who asks what the middle initial "S" stands for, and/or refers to to the name Sydney as "kind of faggy".
2. Senator McCain has placed an order for 60,000 white bedsheets to be distributed at Sarah Palin rallies. "Think of it as a sort of chachki for the pointy hat crowd " said McCain communication director and Grand Dragon David Duke. "people like to come home from a rally with something tangible and cutting the eye slits can prove to be a fun family project."
3. The candidate will appear tonight in black face in a effort to "level the playing field" .
4. The McCain campaign will drop the 'Country First' slogan and replace it starting tonight with a phrase that more neatly sums up the Senators world view. The new slogan reads: "I deserve to be president. Now Fuck Off."
5. Lastly, following tonight's debate, Senator McCain will once again suspend his campaign, and this time retreat to a suite at the Beverly Marmount to spend the next 28 days on a "booze, blow, and pussy" bender "worthy of John Belushi". "If the American people want to vote for that upstart uppity negro instead of whats her name and me, well then fuck 'em. They're all a bunch of useless cunts anyway." The Senator then appeared to suffer a seizure of some sort, and the press conference ended abrubtly.
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