My friend Ernie has moved to a small town as a semi retirement kind of deal. He has set up shop in Elmore Ohio, hard by the turnpike, not too far east of Toledo. I don't think Elmore has ever quite seen the likes of Ernie before. He found an old historic building in bad shape, bought it, and spent a few years fixing it up to the point of real beauty. That's not the problem. The fact that Ernie has opened an antique store on the first floor isn't really the problem. No the issue for my friend seems to be the gap between his understanding of art, and the understanding ( or lack thereof ) of the same by the locals. Ernie is a very educated man, with a keen sense of post modern irony. The locals are descendants of German immigrants who wouldn't know post modern if you shoved it up their butts on the end of 14 foot pole. A bit of a disconnect there. I think the good volk of Elmore might well understand Herr Goring's famous " When I hear about art, I reach for my revolver.." remark. That in fact is precisely how I feel about Thomas Kinkaide.... but that's another story. Ernie has filled his store with rare and odd pieces. A WWII U-Boat sailors rubber suit. A first edition Dickens from 1857. Betty Page stuff from the 50's. Two tone shoes (yeah baby! ). Pistols, lighters, swords, currency collections; and the topper..or perhaps bottomer: a pair of panties worn by the late unlamented Eva Braun. Yep, satin that touched Adolf's favorite bunker. This garment was up close and personal with genuine Nazi nasty bits. Imagine the hours of fun a cross dressing fascist could have prancing about and singing the Horst Weasel Song. All for a mere $7,500. For some reason the locals don't see the humor here, and I fear pitchforks may soon be involved. I suggested that Ernie may wish to consider:
A. Selling this shit on the Internet.
B. Sneaking out of town at midnight.
I think the sculpture he has displayed called " Vag-O-Matic" (something to do with a steel twat) isn't helping win hearts and minds either. None the less, I have a plan to eventually help my friend become the mayor of Elmore. Armbands, marching, and loudspeakers will be involved. I'll have more on that in the future, until then here is the campaign slogan:
Men and Women of Elmore: Awake!
It has a certain familiar ring doesn't it libchen.
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