Update From JesusLand

I'm down here in South Carolina, and news is always a bit sketchy in Jesus City, but it seems that John McDipshit just picked Elaine to be his VP. Can that be right? Who is he gonna get for Sec Def, the Soup Nazi? George??

Update: It turns out that McFuckster did NOT pick Elaine, the actual pick is the Church Lady from Fishbait Alaska who seems to be qualified mostly because she can take cumshots for Jesus and make them into soldiers, and enjoys Moose Meat...which could be some sort of dirty GILF joke that I just don't get. I guess this lunch lady with a sniper scope is a wet dream come true to Jimmy Dobson and his ilk of low life jerk off artists, but the rest of the world is left to refrain the immortal words of Gandhi: Are you people FUCKING NUTS?????????????

Carolina On My Mind

Heading to the condo early Friday, back late Monday. May not post until next week, so have a good labor day and organize for Obama!

Somewhere Even George Wallace Is Shaking His Head In Disgust

McCain ad questioned as word 'HANG' appears over image of Barack Obama

A McCain ad aired on Fox News channel with the words "HANG" in the background along with a photograph of Barack Obama has sparked outrage after being noticed by a reporter at a local Fox television affiliate.

The words "HIGHER TAXES" are transposed on an image of Obama standing in front of a crowd. The background is blurred at the edges so that the words from Obama's signature theme -- change -- has been cut down to the word "HANG." The shot appears for about a second. 



Asked about the image, the McCain camp said, "We're not even validating such an outrageous and preposterous claim with a comment."

Strikingly, the image of Obama with the word hang in the background is blurred far more heavily on the side where the C would have been, suggesting the decision was intentional. The company that produced the ad refused to comment when the local Fox affiliate inquired.

Not everyone is buying the claim the transposition is deliberate. Even at the liberal blog Daily Kos, an informal poll indicated 76 percent thought the image was deliberate, with 23 percent saying it was a coincidence.

"Is this a coincidence?" one diarist wrote. "People spend hours and hours editing political ads, I really don't see how this could go unnoticed by the editors. Maybe they saw it and thought it wasn't noticeable or maybe they thought it wasn't important."

EZ DIY Press Kit

Hey kids, you too can be a junior press spokesbot for John McCain. It's easy and fun! What's that boys and girls? You say you don't know anything about public relations, politics, or the positions of Senator McNuuty? No worries children, all you need is the handy dandy amazing one size fits all McCain decoder ring and press kit answer sheet.

Here's how it works:

Say some annoying liberal reporter asks how many homes John Boi owns. Spin the dial on yer neat-o ring and find the answer:

John McCain only had one room in Hanoi.

See how this works? Here's more:

Is it true that Johnny called his wife a "stupid cunt" in public?

John McCain dreamed of having a wife to call a" stupid cunt "for five years in his one room cell in Hanoi. Stick that in your ear and smoke it Mr & Mrs Liberal New York Times assholes.

Why is Senator McCain's campaign run by lobbyists?

John McCain didn't have anyone lobbying for a bigger room to dream in when he spent five years as a POW now did he Mr Liberal reporter shitheel?

Why did John McCain oppose the MLK holiday for so many years?

They didn't have any MLK holidays in Hanoi now did they you stupid commie cunt?

See how easy it is kids? And when John McNasty wins this November you can take the act to the White House press room!

Just a veepster for your love.......

I notice FuckWad has some ads up saying that the BO man should have picked the Hillster for the Veep slot. Of course Johnny McAsswipe is just trying to stir trouble, but I think it would be more than fair to ask the question:

Hey John Boy, if you like her so much why don't you make her your VP?

Slouching Toward Denver

As we stumble into a cable convention coverage overdose: here is a semi insiders guide to watching the chattering classes on the Tee Vee Machine:

1. In reality, Wolf Blitzer is  a four foot six inch tall  ferret made to perform 18 hours a day for cheese and sunflower seeds.

2. Everyone else at CNN is gay. Really. I mean really fucking gay. Including Larry Queen.

3.  Al Gore is a 3D hologram controlled by Ed Asner  and Ed Beggly Jr. from the basement of an"eco- friendly" coffee shop in La Jolla.

4. Charlie Gibson is 87 years old and is rolled onto the set in a shopping cart. The only thing that keeps him awake on the air is an IV drip of epinephrine.

5. Mitt Romney in real "life", is a 7 foot tall vampire, and was the original inspiration for the fictional blood sucker Lessat. I'm not kidding.  Ask Ann Rice. 

7.  Chris Matthew's never wears pants on the set. Nine floor directors have quit since March, when Chris calls them over during commercial breaks to"check out this hardball ".

8. The entire "Fox News" team are evil robots from another planet. Oh sure they'll deny it. What do you expect them to say? But they are. All of them. They never eat, sleep, or show any human emotion. Watch them closely. You'll see.

9. Calling John McCain a puppet is NOT a political metaphor. It's literally true. Its the same guy inside the McCain suit that does Oscar on Sesame Street.

10. Joe Biden will be drunk the whole time and five to one he says something in his speech about having Katie Couric sit on his face. The guy is  a fucking beast with his load on.

Oh it's cracking up Jerry......

In northern Greenland, a part of the Arctic that had seemed immune from global warming, new satellite images show a growing giant crack and an 11-square-mile chunk of ice hemorrhaging off a major glacier, scientists said Thursday.

That has led the university professor who spotted the wounds in the massive Petermann glacier to predict disintegration of a major portion of the Northern Hemisphere's largest floating glacier within the year.

The crack is 7 miles long and about half a mile wide. It is about half the width of the 500-square-mile floating part of the glacier. Other smaller fractures can be seen in images of the ice tongue, a long narrow sliver of the glacier.

"The pictures speak for themselves," said Jason Box, a glacier expert at the Byrd Polar Research Center at Ohio State University who spotted the changes while studying new satellite images.

"This crack is moving, and moving closer and closer to the front. It's just a matter of time till a much larger piece is going to break off."

"Elaine, do you have any idea what happens to a butter-based frosting after sitting 60 years in a poorly ventilated English basement? I have a feeling that what you are about to go through is punishment enough. Dismissed."

The Porpoise Driven Wife

 Several questions have been bugging me ever since last weeks yaboob-oh-rama at Rick Warrens Camel-toe Church  deal with McNasty and the O man. In no particular order here we go:

Exactly who in the name of fuck is this fat schmoo Warren guy anyhow? 

Why is he the only person out of 300+ million Americans who gets to have a Q&A with the candidates?

If we are gonna have  a game show format with the sno-cone of silence and all that silly shit, why not a real game show host? Is Bob Barker still alive? Alan Funt? How about Alex Trebek? I'll take pandering to rednecks  for 500 Alex....

Remind me again who in the name of the sacred bleeding asshole of Saint Peter sport coat boy is again? 

Why can't other whacked "religious leaders" have a chance? How about an hour of one on one with the Hare Krishna dudes outside baggage claim at the airport? That could be fun if the rules made the candidates answer each question using a variation of the words "rama rama, ding dong".

And if the Rickster gets to "represent" "Christians", then why can't the Jews nominate someone for a koffee klatch chat at Uncle Josh's Deli? What about Woody Allen? He could ask about their views on the legal marriage age.

And come to think of it...I still want to know, who appointed this fat slob to be heavens spokesman? Last time I checked Mullah Omar , The Pope, Billy Graham,  and  some obese Spanish dude next to the corn dog tent were claiming the tittle.

 

He's Tan, He's Ready, He's Who??????

Here's an inside the beltway ice cream scoop from your faithful despondent corespondent:

I know who John Boy will pick for his veepster. No, not Mittens Romney, not Joe " The Weasel" UberLiberman; not even Bobby "Wombat" Jindall of the French Quarter. No Johny McFuckstick is going with a tried and tested friend of the wingers: his buddy Pervez Musharraf.

Lets go to the tale of the tape:

He has a strong military background, and knows world leaders. He knows a thing or two about packing a court, and he certainly knows how to get troublesome opponents to shut the fuck up once and for all. (Isn't that right Ms Butto?) (Ms Butto? Hello? I guess she's away from her desk...)

Lets face it, the dude looks good in uniform (Picture a photo op on the flight deck with Pervo in a Gilbert & Sullivan Admirals suit instead of the Armadillo in his trousers flying costume worn by shit for brains).

Plus, Pervy might just be willing to trade good old OBL's private email address in exchange for asylum and a comfy gig holed up in Dickies old bunker at the Naval Observatory.

McCain/ Musharraf 2008

Vote For Them Or Else!

Pic Of The Day

Viva La Kwame!

Stupid Shit I Learned At The Fair

So, after a week of sitting around the county fair with the FD here is what I learned:

1. Never eat from a food stand located next to a barn with a sign that says: Goat Meat Pavilion.

2. People who attend Monster Truck Events are deaf. And stupid. Say what?

3. There are some really, really, really fat motherfuckers in America.

4. If you feel dizzy, and think you are gonna puke after eating 6 corn dogs, 3 elephant ears and a deep fried Oreo before ridding the Zipper 7 times in row...... you DON'T FUCKING NEED EMS! You just need to puke.

5. In the good ol' US of A, you can deep fry ANY FUCKING THING and put it on a stick. Someone will buy it, and eat it. Yummmmmm.

6. The question: " which one is the ladder truck" asked while standing in front of a fully extended 110 foot ladder on Tower 731 (e.g. a fucking ladder truck), indicates you are:

a.) an idiot.
b.) a likely McCain voter.

7. "Mom and Baby Day" at the fair is a target rich environment for MILF lovers. Yeah buddy.

8. The transit departments offer of a "free tour" of a ride on bus, is another great screening tool for morons. I shit you not, these guys were offering "tours" of a bus. My tax dollars at work.

9. Just because I'm old and have a Fire Department uniform on does not make me a "Chief". So please don't call me one when I'm in line for the mens room, though I did appreciate the offer of cuts.

10. Did I mention how many really fat fuckers we have shuffling around in this country?

Oh Baby Just You Shut Your Mouth.....

I have been stuck all week on a detail in the Fire Dept. recruiting tent at the county fair. Ahh the smell of goat shit and funnel cakes... yummy. Anyhow, across the midway from our area is a tent rented by a group of "christians". They seem to be made up of ten or twelve  Chinese teens and one fat Spanish guy. 

What they do is this: over and over and over they play the "Theme From Mission Impossible"  loudly on their PA while doing a violent matrix style pantomime involving trench-coats, whips, and a couple of  hot girls. Meanwhile a strobe light flashes and the oversize Spaniard preaches in barely understandable English. 

After seeing this 8 hours a day  for the last 4 days, I am reminded of St. Paul's famous question to the Corinthians: " What the fuck are you  shit birds thinking?" 

As best I can determine the theological point seems to be that God loves the Mission Impossible Theme (& strobe lights ), therefore you should find a hot China girl, confess your sins in Spanish; and give her a good spanking. 

Oh  I forgot one thing: 

Amen.

The Mark Of The McBeast

McCain ad said to link Obama to antichrist
John ByrnePublished: Friday August 8, 2008


Aide calls ad 'light-hearted'
They call him "The One."
That's the spin from a Web ad launched Aug. 1 by the McCain campaign which some biblical scholars and Democrats say contains a hidden message linking Sen. Barack Obama to the antichrist.
"It shall be known that in 2008 the world will be blessed," the announcer proclaims. Following the pronouncement, images of golden clouds and Moses parting the Red Sea are invoked to make a mockery of Obama's lofty rhetoric.
"And he has anointed himself ready to carry the burden of the one," the announcer intones. "To quote Barack, 'I have become a symbol of America returning to its best traditions.' He can do not wrong... Can you see the light?"
A spokesman for McCain's campaign told the Wall Street Journal Friday, "It's a light-hearted ad that pokes fun at him." He said the ad is only intended to highlight the Illinois senator's "many audacious statements."
Scholars and critics, however, point to startling links between the ad and the popular "Left Behind" Christian End Times series.
Director of the Center for Media, Religion and Culture at the University of Colorado at Boulder Stewart Hoover told the paper the ad's antichrist references weren't subtle for anyone familiar with the books.
Images in the ad closely resemble those used in the latest "Left Behind" novel; the type font is nearly identical. The antichrist in the books, Nicolae Carpathia, sets up "the One World Religion" -- just as the ad repeatedly refers to Obama as "The One."
"For people who want a reason to be skeptical of Obama, this might nail it down," Hoover said.
The Obama campaign has not commented on the spot.
"The End Times, a New Testament reference to the period surrounding the return of Christ, were popularized in recent years by the "Left Behind" series of books that sold more than 63 million copies," the Journal notes. "The Rev. Tim LaHaye, co-author of the series, said in an interview that he recognized allusions to his work in the ad but comparisons between Sen. Obama and the antichrist are incorrect."
"The antichrist isn't going to be an American, so it can't possibly be Obama," LaHaye said. "The Bible makes it clear he will be from an obscure place, like Romania."
The ad has provoked a growing debate on the Internet over whether it is playing with apocalyptic themes. Those ideas are chiefly shared by fundamentalist Protestants and some other evangelical Christians. Among their expectations: the ascension of a false prophet, a one-world government and the Second Coming of Jesus Christ.
"Short of 666, they used every single symbol of the antichrist in this ad," said Eric Sapp, a Democratic advisor who advises Democrats on religious outreach. "There are way too many things to just be coincidence."
Notes the paper: "In some swing states with concentrated pockets of fundamentalists and evangelical Christians, like Ohio, Pennsylvania, Colorado and Virginia, the ads could have particular impact. YEAH AMONG FUCKING MORONS......

I Bet Jesus Would Punch You In The Tit If You Asked Him To Sit In A Stained Seat In 1st Class

HOUSTON — After questioning that touched on religious beliefs, celebrity and the public's perception of preachers and televangelists, a jury was seated Wednesday in a civil lawsuit alleging the wife of nationally known pastor Joel Osteen assaulted a flight attendant.

A jury panel of seven men and five women was set to hear opening statements in the trial on Thursday.

In the lawsuit, Continental Airlines flight attendant Sharon Brown accuses Victoria Osteen of assaulting her before the start of a 2005 flight from Houston to Vail, Colo. Brown alleges Victoria Osteen, co-pastor of Houston's popular Lakewood Church, threw her against a bathroom door and elbowed her in the left breast during an angry outburst over a stain on her first-class seat.

Brown wants an apology and punitive damages amounting to 10 percent of Victoria Osteen's net worth as part of her suit.

Victoria Osteen's lawyer, Rusty Hardin, said before jury selection began Wednesday that Brown's claims are false and that what happened was a "minor incident." Hardin also asked a judge to throw out a federal report detailing the alleged incident.

"This is a very silly case," Hardin told reporters.

Joel Osteen was at his wife's side Wednesday in court. Brown's attorney, Reginald McKamie, said he expected to call the Osteens as witnesses during the trial.

McKamie, said he hopes the trial will show "that celebrity status doesn't take precedence."

I Hope The FD Took The Long Way There

Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas, known for its vocal condemnations of homosexuality, website GodHatesFags.com and picketing of gay pride parades and funerals, has sustained thousands of dollars in damage after a fire early Saturday morning. Impromptu protest followed as firefighters carried out their response.

"None of what they do is going to stop us from delivering our message," said church counsel Shirley Phelps-Roper of any "cowards" that would have set the fire on purpose, also saying that it was the "most aggressive act" towards the Phelps family to date.

"There is evidence that hatred of our religion was the motivation, in part at least," states a "Civil Rights Hate Crime Complaint" written by pastor Fred Phelps Sr. to Attorney General Michael Mukasey. In a recently released YouTube presentation, Phelps also blames law enforcement, judges, and the "filthy, fag-riddled military" for what he considers an assault on his First Amendment rights.

Meanwhile, a neighbor is suspicious that the fire is a hoax meant to intimidate her into giving up her property. "They keep claiming that this property is theirs, and it is not theirs," said 91-year-old Leona McQueen. "They keep wanting to buy me, but I don't want to sell it. I don't know if whether they are trying to push me out."

"It's a ridiculous accusation," Phelps-Roper countered. "The fire was started by someone as we slept. Thankfully the lord our god (sic) keeps us in all our ways."

The cause of the fire has not been determined. No picketing signs were harmed.

God Willing? Don't Count On It Bob.....

Just one week after being diagnosed with a brain tumor, Chicago Sun-Times columnist Robert Novak has announced his immediate retirement:
Robert Novak has announced his immediate retirement following the diagnosis of a brain tumor, a prognosis the Sun-Times' political columnist describes as "dire."
"The details are being worked out with the doctors this week, but the tentative plan is for radiation and chemotherapy," Novak said.
Novak has been writing his column since 1963. Last week, following the diagnosis, he said that he planned to be back at work soon, "God willing."

Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

Lets see if I have these news items straight: Exxon made 11 billion last quarter, Dick Cheney wants to use Navy SEALS in a 'canned ham" fake attack to provide a pretext for war with Iran, another 51k got laid off last month, Mac Daddy John Boy thinks that snarky lying Rovian ads will do the job to obscure the giant oil company cock he has firmly up his ass: and the SS Andrea Doria Mitchell is the only MSM reporter willing to call bullshit???????

Holy jumping fucking Jesus! I always figured she was pegging old Farmer Greenjeanspan there..but how 'bout the rest of you fucking punks get a clue if not a set of balls at least as big as hers. That low life mummy Mac Boi is a lying twat, and the future of the country depends on you shits pointing it out. I swear that come the revolution... we need to consider buying some extra rope.............. or least locking these Tee Vee shitbirds in a dark room with nothing but an endless loop of Wolf Blitzer at maximum volume 24/7. Fuck you Charlie Gibson.